What I learned by volunteering at my kids school

I signed up for PTO when my boys moved to a new school. 

Yesterday I went to the school to help with grandparents lunch. 

All I had to do was sit for an hour and take up money from grandparents who have chosen to eat with their sweet precious grand babies. 

But instead of just seeing grandparents excited about seeing their grandchildren that day, I saw what I always wondered happened during school hours. 

I was hidden behind a wall so 99% of the things that I witnessed left me out of their view. I knew these same things were done daily. With or without visitors there. 

I saw the principal walking the halls and hugging every single child that she met. I don't know how she did it but she knew every one of their names and sometimes even details of their life which she also asked about. 

I saw teachers of younger grades walking their current class to centers, or lunch, or where ever and giving a silent high five to their old students as they passed them in the hall. 

I watched as children after children walked into the nurses office and heard her gently tell each one that she was sorry they felt bad. She did what I always hoped a school nurse would do since I wasn't there. She told them it was alright and tried her best to make each and every child feel better. Some left and went back to class and others waited for their parents to come get them. 

(And now I know why my kids like going to her office so much) 

I saw students helping other students. A tiny little girl who left the nurses office dropped her agenda in the hall way and without hesitation another child, probably no more than 2nd grade, came rushing over to help her pick it back up. 

I think all parents wish they knew what happens at school. I know I do. But what I want you to know about our school, Demorest Elementary, is that our children are shown love. They are shown gentleness, respect, and kindness. 

I wish everyone who had a child at the school could experience what I experienced yesterday. It was the shortest hour of my life and I left feeling so proud that my children will get to go there for the coming years. For the parents who can, JOIN PTO! It's not a burden! It's truly a blessing! 

It's like a tiny sneak peak at what your babies do during the day and it helps us all stay connected. I have met several other PTO members at meetings and working at the school on days like these and I have always left feeling blessed. 

To our principal, Dr. Yearwood, 

I have no idea how you do it. Some days I can't even remember my own 5 kids names and somehow you called at least 10 kids by the correct name in just one walk down the hall. You gave my son a hug. You didn't see me. You asked about his day. And you seemed genuinely excited when he told you he was having a great day. It was a total of one minute from the time you said "Good Morning Brennon" to the time you said "I hope this day gets even better!" but it has stayed with me for well over 24 hours. I smile when I think about what you do for these children. I wont tell you enough this year, or next year or the year after that, but Thank you. Thank you for all you do. 

To our school nurse, 

I talk to you way too much this year but I wanted to acknowledge what you do. I watched and heard you do what most moms want to do when their child starts to feel bad. You are gentle with them. Your voice never raises. (or didn't during my hour there) Sick kids are tough man. Perfectly well children who think they are sick (or sick of sitting in class) are even tougher. But you handled each child with such grace. I don't know how you send kids back to class not in tears but I think it's ubber impressive. I haven't figured out a nice way to say "You're faking it" so I'll be requesting lessons and taking notes this year because you are a total pro. 

I can't possibly address every teacher I saw. To be honest, I think I only knew 1 by name. (I'm horrible with names) but you guys rock too! 

I know everyone thinks their school is awesome but I really think ours is the best! 

And I had some pretty high expectations coming into this school from our previous one. (Which is the best school in SC) 

Dear Anna Duggar. You ARE good enough.

I read an article listing the reasons married women who are cheated on stay with their spouse. 

One of the reasons was that they felt like they weren't good enough for their husband. Even stating that women often feel like they did something wrong or they lack self esteem. 

You can read it here

I have been cheated on. I can't say I know exactly how you feel because it wasn't by my husband. But someone I cared about, and someone of which I loved enough to marry. I know the hurt you are feeling right now. I know the anger you are feeling. I know the reasons of "why" that are passing through your head faster than you can process. I know how alone you feel. I know how embarrassed you feel. I know that your mind is trying to grasp what news you just heard. I know how you want to hate him but can't because as much as it sucks right now, you really do love him. 

But let me tell you this. All your feelings are real and all those feelings are exactly how you are supposed to feel to news like this. Processing it takes time. Sometimes years. You will think you have forgiven him only to realize that you really haven't. He will have to earn that trust back. Trust that HE ripped from your relationship. You will question every move he makes. The thought of him touching you again will make you want to throw up yet your body will ache for him to hold you like he did before he cheated. It's a cycle of emotions that turn your life inside your own head upside down. More than the actual infidelity did. You will question what the words "I love you" really mean because in your mind loving someone means never hurting them as much as he has hurt you. You will question everything. And it's going to suck. A lot. 

I know your faith is a rock for you. My sweet Anna, hold onto that rock with all your might. It's going to be your life line. Josh is a human. And even though this mistake seems so much worse than anything you can imagine right now, God will forgive him just as quickly as if he killed someone (which I know right now feels like he did just that). If asked God will forget his sins and it will never be held against him. I know what you're thinking after reading that... "If only I were more like Christ!" "I can't do that!!" And it's true. You can't. We strive to be Christlike in our time here on earth but at the end of the day we are human. Hatred and disgust will fill your heart no matter how much you try to feel differently. Pray that God keeps your heart soft. Pray that God gives you a forgiving heart. Pray that God gives you the strength to forgive Josh like He would forgive him. And then pray for the ability to love him the same. Because that may be the hardest part. 

And know that for every tear that falls from your face you have half the world crying with you. Hurting with you. Praying with you. 

It may seem right now that you won't survive this but you will and you'll be stronger when you make it to the other side. Through this entire process please remember that You ARE good enough. Never let that sentence slip from your thought. Keep it up front. Say it everyday until you believe it. Because it's true. You ARE good enough, Anna. 

Happy Fathers Day From Your Baby Girl

This year on Fathers Day I'm only 17 months old so I can't really write you so with mommy's help, I'll do what I can. 

Dear Daddy, 

 Thank you for being such a good daddy. You are showing me early on what kind of man I want to marry. I know being a daddy is hard work. And I know we drive you crazy most days. But you are doing an awesome job! Thank you for rocking me to sleep on the days you are off. Speaking of work, thank you for working so hard for me daddy. I know you don't want to leave me. I can feel your hugs are a little tighter when you leave me. And don't worry, I may be really little but I'll always remember the extra sprints up the staircase just to steal one more slobbery kiss from me. I'll also remember that you tell me you love me at least 5 times as you walk out the door. I probably wont understand completely how much it hurts to leave your baby until I have kids of my own and I wont tell you thank you nearly enough so I'll tell you I'm sorry for that now. I hope I find a husband just like you daddy. I want my husband to love me like you love mommy. And I want him to love his babies like you love us. 

You are the best daddy in the whole wide world and I wouldn't pick any other daddy in this world but you to be my daddy. 

I love you daddy. 

Love, Anniston 

PS. The boys wrote their own letters and put them with your fathers day gifts. Mom said we couldn't put names on the gifts but just between you and I, I picked the best gift. ;) 

I said I wouldn't forgive you

I said I wouldn't forgive you. 

You hurt me to much. 

For those who know me know that I do or I don't do certain things because I feel personally convicted. My prayer has always been that if God doesn't want me to do something he will give me a conviction on it. 

I don't let the world tell me what is inappropriate or acceptable.

Lately I've been thinking about how badly I want to forgive you.

I don't want to get angry every time you post something. Or every time you unblock me for those few hours and just hope I see what jab you've directed at me.

I don't want to have my blood boil when someone asks me "why aren't ya'll friends anymore?" because the hurt and frustration of who you have morphed into still makes me want to scream.

I don't want to want to tell them that we have simply changed and on different pages in life.
I want to tell them the truth.

 I don't want to lie to them.

I know that it's a matter of time before your new friends see what I have seen (along with many other people) and....

See what just happened? The bitterness is already creeping in. I can feel myself wanting to post how I really feel instead of how I want to feel....

Starting today, I will let go of the anger. When I start to get angry with you I will pray for you.
Not in a "I'm a Christian and that's what you are supposed to do..." kinda way.

I want to forgive you.

I want to pray so hard for my anger towards you that I can forgive you.

I want to love you.

I want to be okay when I hear your name.

I want to be okay when I see you.

I want to feel happiness and love when your name crosses my path.

And in order to do that I must pray for you.

And pray that I can allow my stubborn self to let go of the anger and allow God to change my heart towards you.

I don't often like to eat my own words... but in this existence I'd love nothing more than to do just that.

Happy Best Friends Day!

Today is best friends day.

 I have been blessed with best friends throughout my life. Some have moved and miles have made us drift apart and other times we have just changed so much that we will no longer be as close as we were years ago. 

But one person has remained for as long as I can remember. We have had hiccups along the way but always been real with each other. Thank you for being there. Thank you for not setting such high expectations for our friendship. Expectations that no one could ever be able to live up to. Thank you for realizing that some days I'm going to be in a bad mood and all I really need is a text the next day asking if I survived. Thank you for being there during some of my hardest times; loosing babies, going through PPD, and being homesick for 5 years. I know for the better part of those 5 years I was angry that I was missing out on so much back home. So thank you for realizing that and standing by me anyway. Thank you for being there. For always being there. You will forever be my spoon. I love you. 

My best friend Amber. (Yes, double Amber's! Watch out!) 

Having a friendship end is worse than breaking up with a boyfriend. Seriously, the pain is so much worse. But I have to tell those people thank you too. I mean... they did show me a lot. 

Thank you old besties. 

You showed me what a best friend really is. It's not about how often we see each other or how many pictures we can take together to prove our friendship on facebook or IG. It's about being so honest with each other that it hurts and still being there for each other in the morning. It's about picking up the phone and asking for an honest opinion and knowing you will get it, even if it hurts in the process. It's about knowing that push come to shove, that person will never leave your side. It's about saying your sorry when you are wrong, and truly being forgiven.

And because of some ended friendships I have learned how to be a better best friend. 

So I should apologize. 

I'm sorry that I probably said things that hurt you. I'm sorry that I didn't give you the reaction you expected. Unless your expectation was anger and defensiveness, I'm sure I disappointed you. I'm sorry that I wasn't there saying all the right things at just the right time. I'm a busy mama and I often find myself overwhelmed. I always wanted a big family but I'm having to figure out day by day how to actually raise these tiny humans that can be quite often frustrating.

I'm sorry that I had bad days on days that happen to be really good for you. If I could go back in time and realize that you needed me to just be happy for you instead of sinking deeper in my funk, I would. I'm sorry for all those things I've said out of anger towards you. I'm still trying to let go of the anger. 

My life is constantly changing. Kids are getting older and I'm meeting new people who are in the same phase of life as myself. More people are coming into my life and I'm seeing who I want to stay. So thank you guys for being here. Experiencing this crazy and messed up life of mine. I love you all so much! 

Is Rodan and Fields Worth The Cost??

The number one question I get about Rodan and Fields is "Is the really worth the price?" 

My answer? 

YES.
Yes, it's worth every penny. 

I think people are a lot like I was in the beginning when they think about trying Rodan and Fields for the first time. They assume it's an additional $150 or more to their already crazy tight budget. 

This is the thing guys, you aren't adding in Rodan and Fields. You are replacing your $25.00 copay for the steroid cream, and the $30.00 copay for that doctor visit that resulted in the $25.00 copay cream. 

This was my breakdown and the reason I tried it on my boys. 

I paid the following each month. 

Atarax (for stratching): $25 copay

 (OTC) Neosporin Ezcema: $12.00 (this was bought at the very least twice a month.) 

Large Glass Jar of Nivea Cream: $9.00 (again, bought at the very least twice a month) 

(Prescription) Mometasone Furoate Cream: $25.00 copay 

(This ointment is 100%-200% stronger than anything in Rodan and Fields.)

Also, it was clearly stated on this prescriptions website that "Safety and Efficacy of Mometasone Furoate cream in pediatric patients more than 3 weeks of use have not been established." 

My child has been on this cream for pretty much 2 years straight. 

Because this can't be applied to the face or groin area... So.... 

Elidel Cream: $220.00 a month and at best $45.00 copay (that's IF I can get insurance to cover it) 

So each month I spend $310 dollars on creams and lotions that may or may not cause my child(ren) some form of cancer at some point in their life. 

At the very least I spend $137.00 if I get lucky and insurance pays for Elidel. 

And if these creams don't work?? They rot in my medicine cabinet while I spend EVEN MORE money on something stronger that hopefully will work. 

I spent $160.00 for a 60 day money back guarantee, 4 step system that replaced all of this listed above.

My 2 year old hasn't spent more than 2 days without some form of steroid cream, ointment, or oral suspension since he was around 6 months old. He's now been almost 2 months without any of it. 

So yeah, it's worth it. 

 Every. Single. Penny. 

For my day by day picture and thoughts on Rodan & Fields Soothe Click Here!



Some before pictures of the boys over the years..

One of 3 hospital stays for Staph caused by open places on his body. 

This was totally normal for us. 

Cute picture of brothers... 

Except like many of Brennon's pictures.. I edited his skin. You can see here his face is broke out. 

The children's hospital had wagons he could ride in since he couldn't walk on his feet because they were in such bad condition. 

Socks on the hands started early for us... 

Another doctor appointment. This time we caught MRSA from open places on his skin. 

Typical day for us. 

Feet and Hands were always bright red. 

I don't think people realize how badly we dealt with ezcema. We tried hundreds of creams and medicines. Nothing has worked like Soothe.


Wanna try some for yourself? 

Just click here

And then be sure to email me your results!! I would love to hear that another person found relief AND ended up saving money using R&F!

To the people who made me question my faith

I recently shared how I've been shaken by Christians and their response to situations. 

I didn't like what I saw. 

It made me question so much about my faith, what I believe, and the way I should act as a born again child of Christ. 

Turns out that my anger and frustration towards them has actually helped me a lot. 

I am searching for answers in God's word instead of how others behave. 

I am praying with a deeper prayer.

I am specific in my prayers.

I am happy. 

And I'm not even angry anymore. I'm actually thankful. 

To those that hurt me recently, Thank you. Because of you I have poured my heart and soul out to God and asked for peace and guidance. And He's given that to me. In small bits but enough to make me see that I'm not alone in this journey. 

I have been furiously praying for you. 

And for myself. 

For understanding. 

Understanding to why you hurt me so badly, and for you to understand why I hurt you.

God's already forgiven me for my part in this situation. 

And while you may not, I still offer my apologizes. 

I have also been talking to an amazing friend about my faith... my questions. The guilt that I have about posting about my walk with Christ in fear I'll be looked upon as a hypocrite when I fail... and she reminds me a lot that while she too sometimes has questions she also sees God in moments throughout every single day. Holding her sweet precious baby who isn't really a baby anymore but while sick holds onto her so tight that she just knows... this is God. 

And her honesty with me... The raw feelings she confides in me about her own personal journey actually helps me realize I'm not alone. Right now, I feel so immensely blessed to have her in my life. I need her. And I am thankful for her. 

If you're reading this right now... THANK YOU! 

Thank you for not giving up on me. 

Thank you for being there. 

So many others I am thankful for. 

Some have always been there.

Some I've gone back and forth with. 

Some I'm no longer friends with. 

All whom I'm thankful for. 

For the people who are still in my life I want to say thank you for being there for me during this journey.