Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Is Rodan and Fields Worth The Cost??

The number one question I get about Rodan and Fields is "Is the really worth the price?" 

My answer? 

YES.
Yes, it's worth every penny. 

I think people are a lot like I was in the beginning when they think about trying Rodan and Fields for the first time. They assume it's an additional $150 or more to their already crazy tight budget. 

This is the thing guys, you aren't adding in Rodan and Fields. You are replacing your $25.00 copay for the steroid cream, and the $30.00 copay for that doctor visit that resulted in the $25.00 copay cream. 

This was my breakdown and the reason I tried it on my boys. 

I paid the following each month. 

Atarax (for stratching): $25 copay
 (OTC) Neosporin Ezcema: $12.00 (this was bought at the very least twice a month.) 
Large Glass Jar of Nivea Cream: $9.00 (again, bought at the very least twice a month) 
(Prescription) Mometasone Furoate Cream: $25.00 copay 
(This ointment is 100%-200% stronger than anything in Rodan and Fields.)
Also, it was clearly stated on this prescriptions website that "Safety and Efficacy of Mometasone Furoate cream in pediatric patients more than 3 weeks of use have not been established." 
My child has been on this cream for pretty much 2 years straight. 
Because this can't be applied to the face or groin area... So.... 
Elidel Cream: $220.00 a month and at best $45.00 copay (that's IF I can get insurance to cover it) 

So each month I spend $310 dollars on creams and lotions that may or may not cause my child(ren) some form of cancer at some point in their life. 
At the very least I spend $137.00 if I get lucky and insurance pays for Elidel. 

And if these creams don't work?? They rot in my medicine cabinet while I spend EVEN MORE money on something stronger that hopefully will work. 

I spent $160.00 for a 60 day money back guarantee, 4 step system that replaced all of this listed above.

My 2 year old hasn't spent more than 2 days without some form of steroid cream, ointment, or oral suspension since he was around 6 months old. He's now been almost 2 months without any of it. 


So yeah, it's worth it. 

 Every. Single. Penny. 

For my day by day picture and thoughts on Rodan & Fields Soothe Click Here!



Some before pictures of the boys over the years..

One of 3 hospital stays for Staph caused by open places on his body. 

This was totally normal for us. 

Cute picture of brothers... 

Except like many of Brennon's pictures.. I edited his skin. You can see here his face is broke out. 

The children's hospital had wagons he could ride in since he couldn't walk on his feet because they were in such bad condition. 


Socks on the hands started early for us... 

Another doctor appointment. This time we caught MRSA from open places on his skin. 

Typical day for us. 

Feet and Hands were always bright red. 

I don't think people realize how badly we dealt with ezcema. We tried hundreds of creams and medicines. Nothing has worked like Soothe.


Wanna try some for yourself? 

Just click here
And then be sure to email me your results!! I would love to hear that another person found relief AND ended up saving money using R&F!






Tuesday, March 24, 2015

To the people who made me question my faith

I recently shared how I've been shaken by Christians and their response to situations. 
I didn't like what I saw. 
It made me question so much about my faith, what I believe, and the way I should act as a born again child of Christ. 

Turns out that my anger and frustration towards them has actually helped me a lot. 
I am searching for answers in God's word instead of how others behave. 
I am praying with a deeper prayer.
I am specific in my prayers.

I am happy. 

And I'm not even angry anymore. I'm actually thankful. 

To those that hurt me recently, Thank you. Because of you I have poured my heart and soul out to God and asked for peace and guidance. And He's given that to me. In small bits but enough to make me see that I'm not alone in this journey. 

I have been furiously praying for you. 
And for myself. 
For understanding. 
Understanding to why you hurt me so badly, and for you to understand why I hurt you.

God's already forgiven me for my part in this situation. 

And while you may not, I still offer my apologizes. 



I have also been talking to an amazing friend about my faith... my questions. The guilt that I have about posting about my walk with Christ in fear I'll be looked upon as a hypocrite when I fail... and she reminds me a lot that while she too sometimes has questions she also sees God in moments throughout every single day. Holding her sweet precious baby who isn't really a baby anymore but while sick holds onto her so tight that she just knows... this is God. 

And her honesty with me... The raw feelings she confides in me about her own personal journey actually helps me realize I'm not alone. Right now, I feel so immensely blessed to have her in my life. I need her. And I am thankful for her. 

If you're reading this right now... THANK YOU! 
Thank you for not giving up on me. 
Thank you for being there. 


So many others I am thankful for. 
Some have always been there.
Some I've gone back and forth with. 
Some I'm no longer friends with. 

All whom I'm thankful for. 

For the people who are still in my life I want to say thank you for being there for me during this journey. 

Friday, February 20, 2015

My journey with Rodan & Fields- Review

*** NOTE***
** I do not sell this product nor during the first week have any opinion of it. (Actually, I was pretty confident it wouldn't work) **

Most of my readers and followers know my journey with ezcema and how bad we deal with it for pretty much all our kids. 

It's bad. 

Like... REALLY bad. 

So when I was approached by someone selling it I started googling. It sounded like something I might try but I was a little hesitant at spending that much money on something that may or may not work for my kids. I also had to take into consideration that my kids break out to things that typical kids wont react to. 





 And this is where my journey starts.. I'm going to blog as I try this product that is probably flooding your facebook newsfeed like it is mine. I'll post daily pictures of this journey... a journey I'm taking with 3 different kids - 3 different skin issues. All whom have ezcema but different stages of sensitivity and severity. 

Before: BRENNON


This is Brennon. My spunky 7 year old who has had a long road with severe ezcema. He has spent weeks in the children's hospital for skin infections and daily he normally will use 2 different type of steroid creams (prescriptions)  in addition to the over the counter creams. (Usually Nivea) Our typical day with Brennon's skin is lotion twice a day during a non flare up and 3-4 times a day during a flare up. Winter months are especially hard on his skin. 


Before: TRIPP
He was trying to give me a creepy picture. He succeeded.

This is Tripp. My little spiderman.

He is 5 and deals with mostly ezcema in the winter months. Dry air is NOT his friend. Our typical skin regime with Tripp is lotion 3 times a day during the winter months. 1-2 steroid creams (prescriptions) and over the counter creams. (Usually Nivea). Spring, Summer and fall months are Nivea cream before bed. 


BEFORE: LANDRY





This is Landry. Poor baby has it bad. His skin is almost always broke out. Food allergies and outside allergies make it worse. Dry air is tough on him as well. His feet and face are most effected by ezcema. I'm most excited to see if this works on him. He's super sensitive to creams and lotions and screams when we apply any to his skin. He typically uses a prescription steroid cream twice a day if not more, as well as over the counter creams multiple times a day. We wash Landry in Hibiclens to keep him from getting bacteria under his skin due to having so many open areas exposed at all times. Even with these steps, he has been on antibiotics about 8 times in 2014 due to bacteria, including MRSA, setting up infection in his open wounds.


DAY 1:

I started this in the evening because UPS brought my package later in the day.
I bathed all the boys and used the wash instead of soap or Hibiclens. To be honest I was a bit nervous since Landry has a lot of broken areas on his skin. The "soap" actually is soft like a lotion. But I didn't feel like I used a lot considering how much body I was covering. This bottle is much bigger than the creams.


After bathing each child I applied the step 2 and step 3 as directed. Normally my kids scream with their creams because most contain alcohol. The only time any kid cried was on those few places they had scratched open today. Overall, that part was a much better experience for us all.

I did notice immediately after applying the 3rd step (2nd step after washing) Landry's face, hands and feet didn't appear as red and inflamed as they normally do.

Their skin felt very soft. I compare it to Elidel but for those who aren't familiar with this prescription cream I would compare it to Satin Hands by Mary Kay. Of course, without the exfoliating that is required for Satin Hands.

Kids haven't complained nor broken out several hours after wash or time creams were applied.

The lotions do have a scent to them. I can't place my finger on exactly what I'm smelling. I'll update that once I've used it a few times and can pinpoint what I smell.

I was a bit concerned that step #2 contains 2.9% of Dimethicone. Typically, this will dry the skin out... Dimethicone is actually found in most shampoo's and soaps which is why my children have to use sensitive skin shampoo's and soaps. However step #3 (Replenishing Cream) while still has Dimethicone in it does contain Pentylene Glycol in it, which is a skin conditioning agent.

Overall, I'm giving this Soothe another day to see how things go. In my eczema journey I realize that aside from a strong steroid shot to the butt or a constant drip of oral steroids in an IV, nothing major typically happens overnight.

I'll update tomorrow regarding day 2.


If you want to order your own CLICK HERE!


DAY 2:

I stopped all my normal skin routines to get the full effect of this product. They have not received any steroid creams or middle of the day creams. I did notice Landry's face became a tad bit dry around 6pm but it was about the time I would do the 2nd treatment for the day.

Sorry for the delay in adding day 2 notes. I'd try posting a few times and the power would go off. After 7 or 8 times I gave up.

Day 2 was pretty good.

(I do have pictures of Landry but not of Tripp or Brennon because they hate the camera with a passion. I'll get a few in a few days)

Landry:






Landry woke up with hardly any redness to his skin. I'm not sure if it was a coincidence but he didn't scratch at all last night. (normally we deal with him scratching his feet enough to make them bleed while he sleeps.)
His face was still a bit red around his chin area but looked good. Definitely not his normal.
He didn't scratch much throughout the day.
Overall I was impressed.

Tripp:

Tripp's main issue is his face. Day 2 wasn't much of an improvement except his area around his mouth didn't look quite as angry. I did put Neosporin on his cut tonight to help keep the infection down. We'll see how it goes.

Brennon:

Surprisingly Brennon looked the best this morning. His minor rash spots were almost gone and those areas that were broken open days ago look to be healing rather nicely. No redness at all from what I can see. Super impressed with the results on him.

Every product has a downside. Here's what I believe the Soothe's downside is...

Downside I've determined so far- Directions say to bathe twice a day. With 5 children and a husband who works, this just isn't possible for us. I'm giving it all I have to see how this works with following directions but I'm sure there are going to be days when the 2 showers a day doesn't happen.

I'm giving it another day and we'll see how day 3 goes.

DAY 3: 

Day 3 went pretty good for the most part.

A few things both Josh and I noticed on day 3 was that all 3 boys' skin felt smoother even before shower, or creams.

Wash makes skin feel like it's been exfoliated using a really rough exfoliating cream. Something like Avon Mico-abrasion exfoliating cream.
(I'm trying to find something common that I've used that is pretty popular at some point so I apologize if my comparisons are products you've never used before)

Day 3 had zero tears from burning when applied which is awesome!

I do wish the wash was tearfree since they DO promote this product for kids but I'm picky so...

I am still washing every few days with Dove Sensitive Soap on the boys private parts and smellier areas but I haven't washed them with the Hibiclens since starting Soothe.


Brennon:

Brennon's doing well on day 3. Pictures are hard to tell but the more affected areas are almost gone! It's awesome!


Tripp: 

Tripp's face seems less red and doesn't scream "I HAVE ALLERGIES" which is awesome! 
The spot around his mouth is still there and hasn't changed too much. But I haven't seen him picking at it today so there's a plus! 


I did notice that around 4pm Tripp's face was dry. Normally I would add Neiva Cream on his face but since we aren't going anywhere today I'm holing off right now. 

Close up of dryness

Landry: 

(I didn't take any more of Landry this evening but I will grab some tomorrow)

Landry's face does appear dry around 3pm today. Still has another 3-4 hours before his nightly application but it doesn't seem to bother him much. Like Tripp, I would normally add Nevia cream but decided to wait it out to get the best results for Soothe. 


His feet look better but I can't see major change except the decrease in redness. I'll  be curious to see if a few more days helps them clear up. 9 times out of 10 it takes a strong steroid cream to clear those up. (And when we stop the steroids it almost always comes back) 

About an hour before our nightly application Landry did start picking at his feet. He managed to break open one small area before I got some socks on him but I do question how much of it is habit more than the fact that his skin may be really itching. When I asked him to stop scratching he did and hasn't touched his feet again... so there's really no telling on that one. 

Overall, Landry, Brennon, & Tripp seem less irritated with their skin. A common phrase in our home is "rub, not scratch!" but we haven't had to say that quite as often today. 

Excited to see how day 4 goes... 

DAY 4: 

So day 4 had a hiccup. 

LANDRY: 

I did everything by the books for Rodan and Fields but sometimes it doesn't matter what you do, or what you don't do- you just have "those" days. 

Today was one of them. 

Landry is a sneaky little guy who likes to sneak at his bed at night and help himself to whatever drink happens to be on the table. Some nights, it's not his. 
Normally that isn't an issue. Except occasionally his older brothers don't drink all their apple juice at dinner and are able to have some before bed. 
Problem with this is that Mr. Sneaky pants is allergic to apples. 

So some mornings I wake up to this...




And so we start over. 

Sadly, with a child like Landry you can't stop him from getting into things he shouldn't have unless the entire house is free of all his triggers. 
But that would require my house to be completely egg free, milk protein free, mustard free, peanut free, strawberry free, blueberry free, raspberry free, apple free and any other berry I happen to be missing in this list. 
With a family of 7, that's not possible. 

So we do our best to keep him away from the things he is allergic to but on rare occasions when I forget to wash out his brothers cups and replace them all with water- this happens. 

However- I did learn something because of this. 

I am keeping my routine with Rodan & Fields so I bathed Landry first thing this morning and washed him with the wash. I applied step 2 and step 3 just as I have the previous mornings. Except on this morning I realized I had not been using step #4 which is the sunscreen. 
In the beginning I didn't think it was a big deal because we have been snowed in for days upon days and we weren't really seeing much sunshine. But I happen to finish step 3 and grab the sunscreen. 
Turns out, it has Zinc Oxide in it. 
In case you aren't familiar with Zinc Oxide, let me tell you a little about it. 
It's awesome for kids with eczema and sensitive skin! 
Besides the fact that its one of the safest ingredients for protecting the skin from harmful effects of UV rays, it is also very effective for healing skin! 
Who knew?!?! 

Most people think Zinc Oxide when they think diaper rash cream. The reason for this is because it protects the skin. It doesn't dissolve when it comes in contact with water. Lets think about the face of an eczema covered face. I'm using it on an almost 3 year old who still slobbers and chews on things. I'm constantly wiping his face off and changing his skirt from spilled water out of his mouth. 
When I apply step #4 I am immediately helping his face from chapped from his own slobber and/or fluids being dripped out of his mouth. 

Other benefits are that zinc oxide actually heals open wounds and can reduce the tenderness of chapped skin. If you have acne, zinc oxide could be your best friend. Why you ask? Because when applied to the face it can also keep excess oils from forming on your face. 

I promise guys, I'm NOT selling this stuff. Just pointing out the perks of the sunscreen.

Anyway... I didn't even think about zinc oxide being a beneficial part of this treatment plan. I guess if the doctor who made it included it in the set, I should have probably paid closer attention to why. 
My bad. 

Regardless of my mistake before I did add it to our treatment this morning. 
Immediately Landry's skin looked less red and inflamed. He still has spots on his skin, mostly on his feet and face that are broke out but he does look WAY better after his bath than he did when he woke up this morning. 

I should add--- Landry almost always needs 5% steroid cream when this happens so I'm curious how day #5 goes without it. That will be a huge eye opener to me to see if this stuff really works. 
Step #2 does have steroids in it, but being it's not a presciption- it's got to be only 0.02%. That's WAY less than what he is used to. 


Brennon: 

Not much change. Eczema seems to be almost completely gone but his skin does still appear to be dry in spots. 
**It does NOT however feel dry when you touch it. It feels VERY smooth.**



Tripp: 

Face looks about the same. Maybe a little better. But I just started step #4 (sunscreen) this morning so that may have a huge difference in the coming days. 

Day 5: 

So... I'm a horrible review giver. We skipped a bath today. Only 1 bath. But to my defense. I have all 5 kids home from school (thank you Mother Nature for the massive amounts of snow and ice) 
and my morning/day was insane. 

LANDRY: 

I did however wipe Landry down with a washcloth and applied steps 2, 3, & 4. 

His skin looks okay. Still quite broke out. But again, it's not nearly as red and inflamed as yesterday. 

Honestly, I think that is the one thing I REALLY like about this stuff. 

If you have red skin for whatever reason- this stuff will be great for you! 


He did cry a little today when applying the creams to his feet but he scratched again last night. 

I put step #4 on 3 times today. The reason for this is because it snowed and we went out hours and hours after I applied it the 1st time. I wanted a nice thick covering so the moisture from the snow and water wouldn't irritate his skin.  We also have a little wind today and I knew that too would probably chap his face. Turns out, whether that is what I was supposed to do or not, it worked. His face didn't get quite as red as it had the previous day. 

I forgot detailed pictures of all the kids' skin today. Sorry guys!! I'll take new ones tomorrow morning. 

Brennon: 

I think this stuff is gonna be great for Brennon. His skin looks AWESOME!!

TRIPP: 

Not much change on his face. I should have put an extra coat of the sunscreen (step #4) before taking him out but completely forgot. 
(Have YOU ever got 4 boys in snow suits and snow boots?!?! - I forgot him. Oops) 
I'll add it tomorrow though because I did notice his face get red and chapped. It didn't appear red and chapped when he got in the house though so maybe he just got cold? 

Besides the one place on his face, he looks awesome! 

I'm waiting to give my opinion on the product until I've used it for a solid week. So that will be coming up soon. 


Day 6: 

Landry- 

I'm posting part early because I'm actually REALLY excited. Ya know how I said Landry needs really strong steroids to clear his skin up? 

Well.... woke up to this. 




I totally didn't realize his picture from a couple of days ago was blurry. Sorry guys! 

Just in case your scroll button is messed up... here are the comparisons. 
These are taken before his bath. So 2 treatments in between pictures!! 

THAT IS INSANE!!! 





I'll post more updates for day 6 but I was too excited not to post these! 


Okay guys.. short quick update for day 6. I completely forgot to take more pictures of Brennon and Tripp because I was so excited about Landry's skin. 

Tomorrow... tomorrow I will take some. 

Tripp still seems the same. That same stinking spot on his mouth.. it just wont go away. To be fair, it's been there since about December. 

Brennon looks good except a small place on his foot he scratched open today... and his face still appears dry. But I mean... when you aren't broke out there isn't much update to give except "same as before". It's MUCH better than what we are used to dealing with. :) 

Day 7: 

Brennon: 

I know it gets old hearing nothing but "He's doing great!" but seriously... he's doing great! His skin still appears dry between treatments but otherwise it's controlling his eczema quite well! 

Tripp: 

Tripp's mouth is still broke out. Out of habit he picks at it and it wont ever heal! I think I'm going to have to start putting neosporin on it and see if I can't get it cleared up. 
Otherwise he's doing great! 

Landry: 

Landry has done fabulous so far! His skin, like Brennon's, appears dry but the breakouts aren't nearly as bad as before! 

Day 8: 

Landry:

 Landry has a few places that have popped up here and there but seems overall much better compared to his normal breakouts. His feet are dry and he still scratches them often but if you have a child with severe eczema you know that sometimes the scratching is habit, other times it's because it really does itch. And then sometimes he starts scratching out of habit and then it causes it to itch. It's a vicious cycle. But it's been 8 days since I have applied steroids to his skin. That alone screams the results more than any picture I could ever post. 

Day 9: 

Brennon: 

I completely forgot to put the cream on Brennon before bed last night. We had a birthday party for the kids baby sister and by the time I tucked them into bed I was exhausted and completely forgot I didn't cream them up. He woke up this morning with a few dry patches on his face and neck. His skin overall looks great except for those dry places. Honestly, I image tomorrow he'll look back to normal after today's treatment. 

Tripp: 

I also skipped creams last night with Tripp. He looks the same though. No dry patches and still the same mark on his mouth. 

**Same kid as before. He got gum in his beautiful locks and we had to shave his head. :(*** 

Landry: 

Like his brothers, Landry didn't get creamed up last night either. It's so strange to me that I forgot his creams because for almost 3 years now it has been a nightly routine to apply 3 different creams to his skin before bed. It's a 30 minute routine. Even on my biggest of days I almost never forgot. But Rodan and Fields is so easy and it takes less than 5 minutes to apply that I didn't realize how much easier it's made our bedtime cream routine. 
He did wake up with quite a few dry spots on his face and stomach. I took some pictures of him playing outside today and as you can see from the pictures he's pretty dang clear compared to the previous pictures I have posted. 



CONCLUSION: 

I said that I would make my opinion on day 7 so here goes... a day late. 

So far I feel like Rodan and Fields is worth the money spent. Especially those that deal with redness, or eczema. To be honest, it's probably one of the best creams I've ever used on the kids. It not only helps clear eczema up, but it keeps the skin clear. 
The only downside I have with it is the time spent on achieving the results. My life is crazy. Bathing kids twice a day is tough. I've missed a few days bathing them twice and while I've not noticed a huge difference as long as I apply steps 2 & 3, I do see even better results with the extra bath and wash. 
And for my kids, who keep in mind have ridiculously dry skin, it doesn't appear to moisturize as well as I'd hope. With that being said, I was spending a ton each month on creams and lotions and exposing my children to high doses of both oral steroids and topical steroids. 
I feed my kids organic meats, and organic fruits and veggies (those on the dirty dozen list anyway) to protect them as much as possible from unnecessary steroids. If I can spend the same amount of even a little more on a cream that clears their skin up that also doesn't contain high doses of steroids in them, well.. I'm gonna do it. I honestly didn't think I would say this (evident by the fact that I paid extra to not be put on the preferred customer list) but... It works. And it's worth it. 



I hope this blog has helped you in determining if Rodan and Fields is worth it for your family. 
And thank you for following along on this journey with me. 

If by chance you need the link to check more into Rodan and Fields you can click here to order or get more detailed information about it. 

***** ADDED NOTE 4/2/15******

Landry ended up with an infection of the skin due to one little place being scratched open. If you have kids with severe eczema like mine you know that they are more susceptible to infections of the skin. He went on an antibiotic and was put on an oral steroid. I took Landry off the Rodan & Fields during this time because oral steroids work pretty well for the skin and I didn't want to "waste" my Rodan & Fields. It took 3 days for me to see any improvement in his skin on the oral steroids. And after he finished it, like most kids with eczema, his skin flared right back up. He looked HORRIBLE. I immediately started him back on R&F. Overnight his skin looked 80% better. By day 2 (4 treatments) his skin looked 100% better. He didn't look that good after a 5 day course of strong oral steroids! 

After this I decided I wanted to sell Rodan & Fields. Sure, becoming a millionaire would be fabulous but I've dealt with eczema for 8 years. Along my journey I have met A LOT of other parents with the same struggle I have. How do I help my child? I want to sell this because it works. And I want other parents to see the results and try it so that their children (or themselves) can get relief too. 

I leave you with a recent picture of Landry. Who on Easter this year had so many compliments on how great his skin looked instead of our typical "poor baby" comments we have gotten every other year. 



Click below to find out why I took the challenge and how I justified the price. 




Thursday, July 10, 2014

The ugly unspoken truth about parenting

The truth is...

Sometimes I don't like being a mom. 
Sometimes I just want to drive to the store for apple juice and not return. 

I'm not the mom I thought I would be. 
I yell at my kids.
I say things out of anger that I immediately regret. 
I cry when they go to bed because I know I have destined them for a life of therapy. 

You may not enjoy your children a lot of the time. 
You may not even like them. 
You may not like being their mom. 
You may even dream about what life would be like if they weren't born. 
(That one leaves you as soon as they fall asleep - and that's when mama guilt comes in. No worries, I'll talk on that in just a bit) 
  
Truth is... 
It's normal. 

I have a couple of friends who have perfect children. 
They were born sleeping through the night. 
They never went through the dreaded terrible two's (or threes or fours) 
They never had an attitude problem. 
They never threw a tantrum in public. 
They woke up one morning at age 2 and decided "I'm going to be a big boy/girl" and that was their version of potty training. 
They eat what is put in front of them without any arguments. 
They were never told twice to say please, thank you, yes sir, or bless you. 
They get along with their siblings and never argue. 
They actually want to help do chores and put things in the exact place it should go. 
And they love cleaning their rooms. 

But those few children aren't the majority of children. 
So that makes parenting hard for the most of us. 

Half the time I feel like I'm not a mom but a referee just trying to keep everyone alive. 

Raising kids is like teaching wild monkeys how to be servers in a fine dining restaurant. 
Except thanks to social media you have the whole world watching every move you make and criticizing every fault you have. 
And heaven forbid you mention how tough it is raising kids. Or hint that you need a break. 
Because if you have more than 2 children, you'll get a lot of "Well you should have thought about how hard it was going to be before you had X amount of kids!"
Or worse. 
"I told you that you should have stopped at number 2!" 

The judgement.

Because I have more than the "perfect" number of children I am automatically not allowed to say how hard raising kids really is. All because I brought this on myself. 
And those people are right I guess. Two kids was easier than five kids. 
But I love my last three kids just as much as my first two, and I can't imagine them not being here. 
And the comments about how all this chaos could have been prevented isn't doing me much good right now. Thank you very much. 

Lets skip to the guilt. 

I'd like to thank Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pintrest for creating what I dread most about parenting.

Mama guilt.  

Mama guilt was around before all these social media sites but boy they really know how to lay it on a mom who is about to loose her mind. Before these sites I didn't have mama guilt as bad because it wasn't shoved down my throat all the things I should be doing with my children.
No one really posts about how they thought about running away when their child pooped in the floor for the fourth time. In. the. same. day. 
(Yes, that happens) 
No one was trying to out-pintrest the next mama. 
No one had a place to post 700 pictures of the 8 hour family time day you had. Your perfect little family doing perfect little things for 8 hours straight. 
(You don't fool me. I know after 30 minutes you were ready to leave too) 
Instead they picked up a phone, called their other mom friends and cried all while the friend reminded them that this was a stage and raising toddlers was hard... and that it would pass.  
They compared horror stories about raising kids and you both hung up the phone feeling better that at least your kid will have company in therapy. 

That brings me to another guilt I loathe now that I have kids...

Friendship guilt. 

As if mama guilt isn't enough, I quite often feel what I like to call friendship guilt. Not only am I a horrible mother for thinking/saying/doing terrible things that will ruin my children for years to come but I am a horrible friend. I can't have a regular pre-kids conversation anymore. I say I'm going to call you back, and I don't. It's not because I don't want too. Quite the opposite actually. I want so badly to just have an hour to spend chatting with my friends... catching up on their lives and how they are doing. But I can't. 
Because someone puked. Or peed. Or pooped. 
Someone hit their brother and I spent an hour making sure nothing was broken. 
This is my life. 
It's crazy. It's loud. It's wild. 
And what I don't need is another guilt trip in my head because my friends are mad that we never talk anymore. 

I'm trying to be the best mom I can be. And I'm juggling that with being the best wife I can be, and the best friend I can be. And when you have little people running around wanting you to give all your attention to them, something has to not become such a huge priority. And as much as it pains me to say it, sometimes that means friendships will be put on the back burner while you navigate through these toddler years. 
Don't give up on me. 
There will come a day when I will be able to chat for hours while my kids could care less what I'm doing.

So many mom's are like myself right now. Struggling to figure out the in's and out's of raising kids. 
I know so many friends who want to know that they aren't alone in the feelings they have some days. 
I know it will get better, and then harder, and then better again.
And I know there is truth behind the saying "you'll miss this..." because truth be told... I already miss some of it. 
But I'm tired of beating myself up about feeling the way I do and feeling like I'm alone in these thoughts when I know I'm not. 

To those mom's who are struggling with these same thoughts and feelings.. 
it's normal. 

It's called parenting. 


Monday, June 16, 2014

Where did he go?

My "baby" turned 8 yesterday. 
And I didn't announce it to facebook. 
(I announce to fb when I pee without an audience) 
(Okay. I WILL announce when I pee without an audience) 
But I didn't announce that my beloved son who made me a mother turned 8. 

I figured just maybe if I didn't acknowledge the fact that he is 8 years old now he would still somehow be the 8 pound baby I brought home from the hospital just yesterday. 
I feel blessed beyond measure that I get to experience something that so many mothers can't. I have been allowed to watch him grow from the tiny baby who was 100% dependent upon me to a little boy who doesn't want me to give him a kiss when I drop him off at school in the mornings. 

I remember the first time we brought him home from the hospital. 
He cried from the moment we strapped him into the car seat until well into the middle of the night.
We had no clue what we were doing. I thought for sure I had bit off more than I could chew. 
I was so tired. He was not. 
He cried. I had no idea why. 

The first few weeks seem like a blur of just trying to keep us both alive. I remember crying rocking back and forth in the floor with him screaming in my arms and wishing the newborn stage would hurry and pass me by. I wasn't cut out for it. 

Turns out, I got my wish. 
Except the toddler years flew by just as fast. 
And then the school years came. 
And time still didn't slow down. 
The days were soooooo very long. 
But the years just flew by. 

And yesterday, he turned 8. 
And I know that I will blink twice and he'll be 18. 

I know I will forget how sweet his hair feels as I run my fingers through it before I go to bed. 
And I know I will never get back the moments of you wanting no one but me. 
I hope you know that your mama loves you and is SO proud of you. 
I hope you know that you will forever, and I mean FOREVER, be my sweet tiny 8lb 7oz sweet baby boy. 

So- my sweet, beautiful baby boy. 

Happy Birthday. 












Friday, June 6, 2014

So my child loves her mama...

As I sit here and watch my little girl lay beside me on the couch I cant help but think about all the comments I will get as she gets older if she still loves me just as much then as she does right this minute. 

"You've spoiled her!"

"She's a mommas girl!"

"She's rotton!" 

"You need to leave her more so she'll get used to being around other people" 


How do I know these are inevitable comments to come? 

Because they have been said to me before.

And I've said them to other people.

But I'm realizing something. 

Just because she doesn't like anyone as much as she likes me right this minute, or in a year from now, or in 5 years from now doesn't mean she's spoiled. It doesn't mean she's a mommas girl, or rotten. It wont help if I leave her with other people more often either. She's still going to love me and want me. She's still going to want me over you. 

And that's okay. 

It doesn't mean she doesn't like you.
It doesn't mean she wont be able to mingle with other people when she's 25 without her mama right beside her. She will leave me just like every other kindergartener on her first day of school. She will run to me when school lets out with a big smile on her face just like every other 5 year old in her class. 

I am her mama and for a brief moment in time I am the one person above anyone else that she thinks ropes the moon. 

And I already dread the stigma she will get just because she wants me so much. 

So before you judge my sweet baby when she's a year old and clinging to me because she doesn't want you to hold her, or when she's 4 and refusing to give you a hug, please remember that she's only going to want me this much for a short period of time. She's only going to want me to hold onto her this tight and save her from the big man trying to steal some goodbye hugs. 

I picture her at age 15 slamming her door because I'm "smothering her" and I hope that I can push through the comments of her being "too spoiled" or "rotten" or "a momma girl" and remember that this isn't going to last forever. It's going to go by so quick that if I blink twice in a row I will miss the most amazing years of her life. 

So I am going to enjoy each time that she holds onto me. 
I'm going to let the ignorant comments roll off my shoulder. 
And I'm going to let her want me as long as I possibly can. 






Tuesday, April 1, 2014

I'm sorry about not being a good friend...

Several facebook status updates have me really irked. 

They may or not be directed at me but I still took them personally. 
Some were DEFINITELY directed at me as myself and my fellow friends were called out (not by name but as a group) 

So to the people who like to complain about myself and others not being a good friend to them when they needed us....

I'm very sorry that my life is so hectic right now that I haven't had time to call or email.
I am spending every waking hour (and there is wayyyy tooo many waking hours around here lately) trying to just stay afloat mentally. 

I'm sorry that I haven't called or emailed you when you "do for everyone else" and only "want someone to help me out too". 
I feel the same way about you. 
My phone isn't blowing up with calls from you either. 


I'm sorry that I haven't called or emailed when you felt "so alone". 
My husband works 2nd shift, and in case you forgot- I have 5 kids all under 7 years old by myself to get homework, supper, baths, and bedtime done. 
I too often feel alone. 

I'm sorry that I haven't called or emailed when you "really wish I had someone I could count on".
I live 2 hours + away from any family and long term close friends that would gladly help out if possible. But life is life and some seasons are harder than others. 
I like to think of friendship as 50/50. But that doesn't mean that at some stages in your friendship you have to sometimes give 80 and only get 20. When the seasons change in your friends life they are going to be able to give a little more... and when you need them and they can... they will gladly give 80 while only getting 20 in return. 
I have spent many many nights crying because I too felt very alone. But never have I criticized my friends for me feeling quiet overwhelmed and alone on that day. 

Maybe I'm too prideful.
I almost never ask for help. 
(even when I really need it) 
I rarely admit if I'm overwhelmed. 
And I try so very hard to never make any of my friends feel like they aren't doing a spectacular job. 
You know why?
Because they are human. 
And they have busy lives too.
And in my busy, crazy, hectic season of life I haven't called them either and I really have no idea if this is their busy, crazy, hectic season too. 

So I ask you this- before you judge me or anyone else regarding being a horrible friend to you remember that each one of us are living busy lives and juggling our family and friends is hard. We beat ourselves up enough without your hurtful post rubbing it in our face that we really cant do it all and keep everyone happy.