Monday, June 16, 2014

Where did he go?

My "baby" turned 8 yesterday. 
And I didn't announce it to facebook. 
(I announce to fb when I pee without an audience) 
(Okay. I WILL announce when I pee without an audience) 
But I didn't announce that my beloved son who made me a mother turned 8. 

I figured just maybe if I didn't acknowledge the fact that he is 8 years old now he would still somehow be the 8 pound baby I brought home from the hospital just yesterday. 
I feel blessed beyond measure that I get to experience something that so many mothers can't. I have been allowed to watch him grow from the tiny baby who was 100% dependent upon me to a little boy who doesn't want me to give him a kiss when I drop him off at school in the mornings. 

I remember the first time we brought him home from the hospital. 
He cried from the moment we strapped him into the car seat until well into the middle of the night.
We had no clue what we were doing. I thought for sure I had bit off more than I could chew. 
I was so tired. He was not. 
He cried. I had no idea why. 

The first few weeks seem like a blur of just trying to keep us both alive. I remember crying rocking back and forth in the floor with him screaming in my arms and wishing the newborn stage would hurry and pass me by. I wasn't cut out for it. 

Turns out, I got my wish. 
Except the toddler years flew by just as fast. 
And then the school years came. 
And time still didn't slow down. 
The days were soooooo very long. 
But the years just flew by. 

And yesterday, he turned 8. 
And I know that I will blink twice and he'll be 18. 

I know I will forget how sweet his hair feels as I run my fingers through it before I go to bed. 
And I know I will never get back the moments of you wanting no one but me. 
I hope you know that your mama loves you and is SO proud of you. 
I hope you know that you will forever, and I mean FOREVER, be my sweet tiny 8lb 7oz sweet baby boy. 

So- my sweet, beautiful baby boy. 

Happy Birthday. 

Friday, June 6, 2014

So my child loves her mama...

As I sit here and watch my little girl lay beside me on the couch I cant help but think about all the comments I will get as she gets older if she still loves me just as much then as she does right this minute. 

"You've spoiled her!"

"She's a mommas girl!"

"She's rotton!" 

"You need to leave her more so she'll get used to being around other people" 

How do I know these are inevitable comments to come? 

Because they have been said to me before.

And I've said them to other people.

But I'm realizing something. 

Just because she doesn't like anyone as much as she likes me right this minute, or in a year from now, or in 5 years from now doesn't mean she's spoiled. It doesn't mean she's a mommas girl, or rotten. It wont help if I leave her with other people more often either. She's still going to love me and want me. She's still going to want me over you. 

And that's okay. 

It doesn't mean she doesn't like you.
It doesn't mean she wont be able to mingle with other people when she's 25 without her mama right beside her. She will leave me just like every other kindergartener on her first day of school. She will run to me when school lets out with a big smile on her face just like every other 5 year old in her class. 

I am her mama and for a brief moment in time I am the one person above anyone else that she thinks ropes the moon. 

And I already dread the stigma she will get just because she wants me so much. 

So before you judge my sweet baby when she's a year old and clinging to me because she doesn't want you to hold her, or when she's 4 and refusing to give you a hug, please remember that she's only going to want me this much for a short period of time. She's only going to want me to hold onto her this tight and save her from the big man trying to steal some goodbye hugs. 

I picture her at age 15 slamming her door because I'm "smothering her" and I hope that I can push through the comments of her being "too spoiled" or "rotten" or "a momma girl" and remember that this isn't going to last forever. It's going to go by so quick that if I blink twice in a row I will miss the most amazing years of her life. 

So I am going to enjoy each time that she holds onto me. 
I'm going to let the ignorant comments roll off my shoulder. 
And I'm going to let her want me as long as I possibly can.