Saturday, February 25, 2012

I Don't Know How She Does It

I watched the movie called 
"I Don't Know How She Does It" tonight. 
It's a movie about a working mother who is played by Sarah Jessica Parker. 
I immediately understood her feelings even though I'm at home with my kids. 

Mothers believe they have to do it all. 

We expect ourselves to enjoy our children all the time, never get mad or upset with them, NEVER raise our voices when things get crazy, cook super, keep the house cleaned, carpool, be a good friend, a great wife, a wonderful sister, a doctor, a nurse, a teacher, along with another billion other titles and above all else, always be happy and joyful. 

This is not reality. 

My goals as a mother are as followed...
Of course... this list will get longer as my boys get older I'm sure. :) 

1. Smile as much as possible. 
Pretty simple. Not much of an explanation needed really. 

2. Be human.
Allow my children to realize I am human. 
I will get sad, angry, and upset. I will cry. I will laugh. But more importantly, I will get through it. 

3. Realize I may not always like my children and thats okay. 
I will always love my children. They are the reason I breathe. But I would be lying if I said I liked them 100% of the time. (And you would too if you barked at this one!) 

4. Be a loving wife.
 I want my children to never question the love that I have for their father. I want them to desire a marriage like their parents had. 

5. Be a good friend. 
This is sometimes hard as I personally feel pulled in a billion different directions and my friends usually get what is left of me. But I want to always keep striving to be the kind of friend to MY friends that I would want my children to have as they get older. 

6. Love your siblings. 
I have some incredible siblings. Do we always get along? No. However, I want my children how important it is to always stand up for your family. Always love them. No. matter. what. 

7. Be a God Fearing Christian. 
This is the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I fall asleep at night. Did I show God's love to my children today? Did I speak of Him often, or curse him for his blessings? Did I strive for agape love towards everyone I spoke too or spoke about? This is by far my most important goal as a mother. And it is by far the hardest to live up too. 

I'm sure each of us have some form of a list... New mothers may only have 1 item on their list and that's to keep your sanity. Girls... mark it off. Your sanity is gone for a while. The more children you have the more time it will be before you see it again too. However, I've found that with each child you add to your family, the more fulfilling your life becomes. For some 1 or 2 children will make your cup runeth over.... for others (like myself) it may be 4 or 5. Whether you are raising 1 child or 10 children, give yourself a break. Cut yourself some slack and enjoy as much as you possible can. 
The bad days will always come. You WILL feel like a terrible mother at times and you will think you have surely destined your children to a lifetime of therapy.  
But they will turn out fine. And they will love you for all the times you got it right and all the times you got it wrong. 


Thursday, February 23, 2012

Isolation Booth

I think I'm guilty of caring TOO much. 
I want to help when maybe I just simply can't. 

It breaks my heart to know that I don't have the words to say to help someone. It hurts even more when I finally realize that I'm not the person they need in their life during a hard time. 

But... thats life.

And I must get over it.

Someone called it perfectly when they call times like these "The Isolation Booth"

I feel like so many of my friendships are on hold, in limbo, or possibly just damaged beyond repair. 
Everything has changed.  People have changed. I have changed. And relationships that were once wonderful and fulfilling are either gone or empty or have just changed so much without me realizing, that I don't even recognize them or know where to begin to find my way back to them.

That too sucks. 

But I do have some incredible friends that I can call up and "vent" too, or cry with, or just laugh at my own stupidity. And I am thankful for those friendships. 

I pray often for those friends who I've lost touch with. I even pray for those who I have been hurt by. In the end, every action by every party is making me stronger and wiser. 

I have a very exciting future and I'm happy that God is allowing my eyes to be opened and my heart to be softened to those in my life so that I can allow them to be a part of it as well. 

And you all know I love a good quote... so I'll leave you with this one. :) 

Never explain yourself. Your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe it.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Boot Camp

It's that time of year again. 

My kids need a dose of reality. 

So what always works? 

Boot Camp. 

All I have to say is Boot Camp starts today and they immediately straighten up. Of course, they still push the boundaries just to see how much they can get away with. 
It's not much. 

Vinegar has been placed perfectly on the window seal in the kitchen. 
It's been months since we have had to use it. 

Zachary has started not listening, back talking and hitting his brothers. 
Brennon has started his daily whining sessions again.
Tripp is just watching the older boys and picking up everything negative they do. 

Boot camp is hard. 
It requires 100% concentration on them and what they are doing. This means while cooking supper I have to have my eyes open in the back of my head and my hearing plugs turned up high in order to catch EVERY.SINGLE thing they do out of line. 

If I miss something, you can bet your bottoms they haven't missed it. 

Toys are picked up the very instant Josh or I say to pick them up. If not, they are gone. (Not gone temporally. Gone for good) 
No yelling or screaming throughout the house. Inside voices are mandatory. (This includes in public too) 
Hands are washed in order from oldest to youngest without drowning my bathroom. 
Plates are cleaned before leaving the table.
Back talking will not be tolerated and you will immediately be given 1tsp of Apple Cider Vinegar. 
(I really don't want to hear that this doesn't work, or is cruel. I'm raising these children to be respectable men. I will do so in the way that works for our family) 
No warnings are given out for hitting others. First hit = Vinegar & Time Out. 
Bedtime will be without whining or crying. 

Now, with those being "said", I will say that it takes a lot of work for mama and daddy to make boot camp work. We have to be 100% firm but gentle. We do not want to show any anger. 
It's just a reminder for them, which I've come to realize we all kinda need, of what is expected of them daily. 

So.. here goes nothing. 

Friday, February 10, 2012

Rough Thursday...

Yesterday was a rough day for me. 

After Josh got home from work we loaded up the kids and took off to run a few errands and more importantly, pick out a gift for my niece Payson's birthday coming up. I was also keeping an eye out for my niece Keira's birthday present. Both I was very excited about.

So we walk into Toys R Us. I'm immediately drawn to the clearance isle of baby clothes. 
As I'm running my fingers across the most adorable baby girl clothes I immediately began to feel some anxiety. I leave that area and head towards the shoes. 
The anxiety leaves. 

I pick out a pair of shoes that I have fallen in love with but I am really bummed out when I realize they don't have the sizes I need. We move on... 

I am slowly walking through the baby clothes isles (since shoes are located directly in the middle of them) and the anxiety begins to come back. I can't help but to be pulled towards the pink newborn outfits  hanging up in front of me. I saw an infant sleeper that read "Baby Sister" and I could feel the tears filling my eyes. I walked away. 

We moved to the toy section. The "baby" toy section didn't bother me at all... I was still fighting back tears when we made it to the baby girl toy section. It's a section of the store I rarely visit. I usually stick to the Super Hero isles. 

When I reached the girl section, I totally lost it. I couldn't control my emotions any more. Each isle brought more tears and more anxiety....

I love my boys. 
I love the way they love their mommy.
 I never thought I would ever experience gender disappointment. 

You see, our sweet precious baby #4 is another boy. 

I have always believed I would have a daughter at some point in my life. I have prayed for a daughter for so long. 
And that dream was stolen. 

I believe God has a plan for my life with 4 sons. I'm trusting that His will is perfect. But with that being said, it also doesn't take away the sadness when you realize your dream is not God's will for your life. 

I have several friends that are pregnant right now. All of them are pregnant with girls. 
I've blocked most of their status updates because I simply can't handle reading what names they have picked out, or what theme they are using for their nursery. I am reminded each time that I will never get to do those things for MY daughter.  

I WANT my heart to be overjoyed at adding another sweet precious baby boy to this family. 
I WANT to look forward to buying him things.
I WANT to be truly happy for those getting their little girls. 
But I feel like my heart is trying so hard to mend the disappointment I have in never having a daughter that I can't be as excited about another boy as I want. 

I am my own worst enemy right now.

I feel like the lack of happiness will be taken as though my boys aren't enough for me. 
And that's simply not true. 

I feel like a terrible mother for wanting a certain gender instead of focusing on a healthy baby. 

I am praying that in time, before this sweet baby boy gets here, I will get excited about his arrival. 
I will get excited about picking out his coming home outfit. I will get excited about the forever friendships he will be receiving when he is born with his 3 older brothers. 

I know it will come. And I know these feelings I have right now will pass.
It just takes time... 

***Please don't reply to my status update on facebook. Actually, if you want to comment on this blog entry, I ask that you do it here. I only want those who actually read this to know the gender. So lets keep it quiet on facebook please.***

So I'll leave you with a never seen picture from our most recent ultrasound. 

Oh, and I'd like to go ahead and apologize for the gifts Payson and Keira will receive for their birthdays. We have decided it's best for Josh to return to Toys R Us and pick out something. 

Monday, February 6, 2012

Slowing Down

Over the past month I have slowed down to creeping speed.

I have always been an energizer bunny running nonstop and almost enjoying the chaos of life. 
However, I haven't been 100% happy. 

When things start slowing down I got almost nervous and then started to panic when I realized I've been so busy with life that I have missed out on some of the most precious moments God has given me. 

Because I have wanted to get Zachary's homework done so quickly so I could begin cooking supper at a certain time, I have missed exactly how much he has learned. 

In wanting to get the kids in the bed at their "scheduled" bedtime, I have missed how much they enjoy reading their bedtime story. 

I still have my kids in a schedule. Without it we would all fall apart. However, now I am enjoying each moment throughout the day in turn making me a happier mama. I can see the joy in my boys' eyes. I can see how happy a happy mama makes them. 

My voice is lower, my words are kinder, and my children are happy. 

We will always have some chaos in this house. I have 3 toddlers living here. But it's now "controlled" chaos. And some days are harder than others. Last week we had 3 sick boys and 2 very tired parents. At times it was stressful.

 Life is not always sunshine and rainbows. 

I'm just trying my best to enjoy the clouds and rain too. :) 

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Shame on me....

You know the saying.. 
Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me. 

So... shame on me. 

I'm glad its Saturday because I could use a fresh start to a week. 

The boys: 

The boys are finally starting to feel better. Doctor said they just had an infection of some sort of the eyes, and Brennon & Tripp had ear infections. All had something viral that just needs to run its course. We are on day 6 and I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. 
Kids are starting to sleep better, and we are having less and less coughing spells. 
Of course Brennon is breaking out because his body is fighting off an infection. Any infection, viral or bacterial shows through his skin. Just last week I was bragging about how well he was doing with his skin and now this. One step forward, and 4 steps back. :( 


Pregnancy is going good. I'm 25 weeks today. Pretty exciting. My "morning sickness" is down to about 3-4 times a day and my headaches are only coming about twice a week right now. I have my glucose test on Tuesday. I'll be taking the boys with me. Should be interesting. In Ga they give you the drink when you schedule the appointment and you drink it at home an hour before your scheduled appointment. Here, you are given the drink when you walk into the office.  I will have to sit and wait for an hour with a 4 year old and a 2 year old. I'm bursting at the seams with excitement. Thank God for the Innotabs!! 
I'll get to see this little bean again on March 1st. Ultrasounds are something I really look forward to. Seeing our baby on the screen makes all the morning sickness, headaches, peeing 1000000000 times a day & night and the aches I get while putting on my shoes worth it. 

My mom, step dad and brother Adam visited last weekend. My kids love visitors! They especially love their Nana. As much as I remind them that she isn't really all that cool they don't believe me. I'm pretty sure Zachary never once left her side the entire day. 
I'm getting excited about my nieces birthday's coming up. I love shopping for girl stuff. 
I'm thinking I'll end up getting more than I probably should... but with 3 boys, I only get this opportunity once or twice a year. (Birthday's and Christmas) 
Shoes will most definitely be on my list. Every girl needs shoes for their birthday and it's NEVER too early to start a shoe collection. :) 

I should run and help get the boys ready for bed. 
Until next time.....