Tuesday, March 24, 2015

To the people who made me question my faith

I recently shared how I've been shaken by Christians and their response to situations. 
I didn't like what I saw. 
It made me question so much about my faith, what I believe, and the way I should act as a born again child of Christ. 

Turns out that my anger and frustration towards them has actually helped me a lot. 
I am searching for answers in God's word instead of how others behave. 
I am praying with a deeper prayer.
I am specific in my prayers.

I am happy. 

And I'm not even angry anymore. I'm actually thankful. 

To those that hurt me recently, Thank you. Because of you I have poured my heart and soul out to God and asked for peace and guidance. And He's given that to me. In small bits but enough to make me see that I'm not alone in this journey. 

I have been furiously praying for you. 
And for myself. 
For understanding. 
Understanding to why you hurt me so badly, and for you to understand why I hurt you.

God's already forgiven me for my part in this situation. 

And while you may not, I still offer my apologizes. 

I have also been talking to an amazing friend about my faith... my questions. The guilt that I have about posting about my walk with Christ in fear I'll be looked upon as a hypocrite when I fail... and she reminds me a lot that while she too sometimes has questions she also sees God in moments throughout every single day. Holding her sweet precious baby who isn't really a baby anymore but while sick holds onto her so tight that she just knows... this is God. 

And her honesty with me... The raw feelings she confides in me about her own personal journey actually helps me realize I'm not alone. Right now, I feel so immensely blessed to have her in my life. I need her. And I am thankful for her. 

If you're reading this right now... THANK YOU! 
Thank you for not giving up on me. 
Thank you for being there. 

So many others I am thankful for. 
Some have always been there.
Some I've gone back and forth with. 
Some I'm no longer friends with. 

All whom I'm thankful for. 

For the people who are still in my life I want to say thank you for being there for me during this journey.