When a friend of mine whom I went to high school with lost
her little girl at 6 months old my entire heart broke for her. And to be
honest, it still does. I started researching blogs and advice columns so I knew
what would help her and what would make things harder. Most said the same
things over and over and I tried so hard to avoid those things, but I know that
nothing I said or didn’t say made it easier for her to carry that feeling of
being alone in this new world without her daughter.
So for the parent’s who have lost a baby- I am writing this to
you.
They say not to say “I can’t imagine”
It’s so hard not to say that sentence because truth is; I
can’t imagine. I can’t imagine the pain you are feeling, the aloneness you
struggle with everyday. I can’t imagine what it’s like to have your heart feel
like it’s being ripped out of your chest each morning you wake up and walk past
the room that once held your sleeping child. I can’t imagine the pain of
watching everyone around you accepting a new normal when you simply can’t do
the same. I can’t imagine the feeling of guilt. I can’t imagine the different
emotions you are experiencing day in and day out..
But what I want you to know is that what I really mean when
I say “I can’t imagine” is that I’m sorry you can.
They say not to say “God needed another angel”
Our human minds and hearts simply cannot process a child
being taken from his/her family. I once read a quote that said “It’s easy for
you to say God needed another angel when he didn’t take yours.” That put into
perspective what a mother whose arms are empty must feel when she hears “God
needed another angel”. I know I’ve said this before. Not to a mother who has
held a child they had to let go but to mothers who have miscarried and looking
back I want to call and email each one and apologize for how insensitive my
words must have sounded. But what I want you to know is that what we really
mean when we say “God needed another angel” is “I’m sorry”.
They say not to say “It’s God’s Will”
As a Christian, I get what people mean when they say this…
But even though I’ve never experienced an infant loss I can see where it would
be very frustrating to hear. We have an all loving God we serve and to have
someone tell you that this all loving God would want to cause the most
incredible pain that a mother could ever endure sounds quite ridiculous. But
what I want you to know is that what we really mean when we say “It’s God’s
Will” is “I’m Sorry”.
These are just a few of the major ones I’ve read. There are
plenty more if you want to research it… but the reason for this blog is more to
say that there are so many times I want to call, email, or come by but I simply
don’t know what to say. So when
and if I say something that I shouldn’t please remember… What I really want to
say to each of you parents who have had to carry the pain of burying a son or
daughter is that I’m sorry. I’m sorry I can’t help ease the pain. I’m sorry you
are hurting. I am sorry that I pray daily that I never can imagine what you are
going through. I’m sorry that I don’t have the right words. I’m sorry that I
forget milestones. I'm sorry that you miss someone in a way that I never have. I'm sorry it happened.
I’m just so so so sorry.
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