Monday, June 8, 2015

Happy Best Friends Day!

Today is best friends day.

 I have been blessed with best friends throughout my life. Some have moved and miles have made us drift apart and other times we have just changed so much that we will no longer be as close as we were years ago. 

But one person has remained for as long as I can remember. We have had hiccups along the way but always been real with each other. Thank you for being there. Thank you for not setting such high expectations for our friendship. Expectations that no one could ever be able to live up to. Thank you for realizing that some days I'm going to be in a bad mood and all I really need is a text the next day asking if I survived. Thank you for being there during some of my hardest times; loosing babies, going through PPD, and being homesick for 5 years. I know for the better part of those 5 years I was angry that I was missing out on so much back home. So thank you for realizing that and standing by me anyway. Thank you for being there. For always being there. You will forever be my spoon. I love you. 

My best friend Amber. (Yes, double Amber's! Watch out!) 

Having a friendship end is worse than breaking up with a boyfriend. Seriously, the pain is so much worse. But I have to tell those people thank you too. I mean... they did show me a lot. 

Thank you old besties. 

You showed me what a best friend really is. It's not about how often we see each other or how many pictures we can take together to prove our friendship on facebook or IG. It's about being so honest with each other that it hurts and still being there for each other in the morning. It's about picking up the phone and asking for an honest opinion and knowing you will get it, even if it hurts in the process. It's about knowing that push come to shove, that person will never leave your side. It's about saying your sorry when you are wrong, and truly being forgiven.

And because of some ended friendships I have learned how to be a better best friend. 

So I should apologize. 

I'm sorry that I probably said things that hurt you. I'm sorry that I didn't give you the reaction you expected. Unless your expectation was anger and defensiveness, I'm sure I disappointed you. I'm sorry that I wasn't there saying all the right things at just the right time. I'm a busy mama and I often find myself overwhelmed. I always wanted a big family but I'm having to figure out day by day how to actually raise these tiny humans that can be quite often frustrating.
I'm sorry that I had bad days on days that happen to be really good for you. If I could go back in time and realize that you needed me to just be happy for you instead of sinking deeper in my funk, I would. I'm sorry for all those things I've said out of anger towards you. I'm still trying to let go of the anger. 

My life is constantly changing. Kids are getting older and I'm meeting new people who are in the same phase of life as myself. More people are coming into my life and I'm seeing who I want to stay. So thank you guys for being here. Experiencing this crazy and messed up life of mine. I love you all so much!