Thursday, March 22, 2012

My plate is full but my cup runeth over

My plate is maxed out. 

I've had such an emotional roller coaster these past few weeks. As if things with my papa didn't stress me out enough, pre-term labor reared its ugly face, had a "break-up" from a dear friend without full understanding as of why, and I'm getting things ready for Brennon's surgery. 
Between the few updates we have been given on papa's condition, the lack of closure from my ending friendship, and doctor appointments nonstop I am exhausted. 

I feel overwhelmed but blessed all at the same time. 
Papa is doing better- still not off the ventilator but we have received less and less bad news and more good news lately. Brennon's surgery requires a lot of clearance from doctors but I am thankful he is finally been given the go ahead with the surgery. 
A friendship ending is always hard, but for me especially hard when I can't completely grasp why. But I have found through it lessons that I wouldn't have learned if it never conspired the way it did. 
I have been reminded of my insecurities and the way I NEED to handle situations instead of the way that comes easier for me. 

Sometimes I feel like I have no outlet for my anger, frustration, and feelings of hurt. I think a nice brown leather journal I keep in my nightstand may be the best place to jot things down in during times like these. I'm not the best with handling certain situations. I'm a pro at burning bridges. It's much easier for me to get pissed off and play the victim than to accept that maybe I'm at fault too. 
Nevertheless I am who I am and I'm a working project. 
Hormones for me right now play a huge roll in handling things poorly. It's not an excuse by any means... Heck, I do it when I'm not pregnant... but I bring an emotional side to things I may not bring into the equation when I'm not pregnant. It doesn't help, that's all. 

I'm a very random person in writing. I tend to jabber a lot. But I'm not writing a blog to entertain others more than to get things off my chest and out of my head. I'm sorry if I offend people in doing so...
That is truly not my intension.