Why I'm not enjoying being a mom

Lets all be real with each other. 

From one mother to another... 

So we can accept the reality of motherhood. 

Sometimes it's not enjoyable. 

Sometimes we don't really like our children. 

Sometimes we sit on the couch in tears and wonder why in the world we did this to ourselves. 

That will never mean we don't love our children more than our own life. 

That will never mean we regret having each child. 

That will never mean we would change things for a second. 

But what it does mean is that motherhood is hard... 

And other mama's will make you feel guilty for uttering the words "I'm not enjoying being a mother right now!" 

Every mother hits a moment in their journey of motherhood where this reality hits them between the eyes. 

These moments may be hard to see for some or more obvious for others... The reality of your life comes crashing down like a ton of bricks and it's hard to swallow. 

What exactly happened to my life? 

Maybe your moment is...

When you jump in the shower for the soul purpose of shaving your arm pits or legs and 20 minutes after the shower you realize you forgot to do just that. 

When you press start on the washing machine with the same clothes insides for the 4th time..

When your friends stop calling because carrying on a conversation with you is like carrying on a conversation with someone with turrets. 

When you have sat in pee on the toilet seat so many times that you have reached the place of just being thankful the seat was down and urine is sterile. 

Or perhaps it's those moments were life has been so hectic that after the kids finally fall asleep you sit in the quietness and the true force of your exhaustion overtakes you and you fall onto your knees and just cry. 

My life the past month has been hectic and adjusting has been hard. 

Josh got a new job... a better job... but different hours than we are used to. 

I feel overwhelmed being out of my schedule and nothing is really getting accomplished. 

Surviving the day is my only concern. 

Kids have been sick... 

Floors are dirty....

Laundry is behind...

The fridge is empty... not because I can't afford to buy food but because finding the time to actually go spend 2+ hours getting everything we need for a week or so is just not there. 

My kids have cabin fever...

I have cabin fever...

I'm a hormonal pregnant mama who has double the estrogen running through my veins making me want to cry at the tinniest thing...

I'm 2 hours away from family and friends that would I'm sure gladly watch the kids while I bathed or did my shopping.

Speaking of shopping... I have yet to even go to the bank to get our Christmas fund out to start Christmas shopping. 

And with all thats going on I realized that I have begun to sink deeply into the world and forgotten why I once felt so blessed.

And today... in utter exhaustion and defeat I realized why I am not enjoying being a mom.

My soul purpose has been surviving instead of living.

I've been so busy trying to adjust to change that I changed things that needed not to be adjusted...

Like my prayer time...
my quietness with God..
The ONE place I find peace- I find joy- I find the love for HIS blessings..
The blessings I haven't been enjoying lately..

Here he has blessed our home with children, and a new job for a hard working and deserving husband and I have deserted him and scorned him for the chaos these blessings were causing..
So I begged for His forgiveness for leaving Him when he wanted me the most...

And something magical happened..

I started enjoying my children again today.
I apologized to them for being a bit of a rotten apple lately...
and promised to try harder to be gentle with my words, my voice, and my patience.

And then something magical happened again...
The wild, frustrating, attitude filled little boys who have roamed my home the past few days begun to slowly mold into the calmer, sweeter, and gentler person their mama was becoming.
And our afternoon was quiet... and peaceful... and fun.

And for the first time in a good week.. .

I am enjoying being a mom.

What I meant to say was...

When a friend of mine whom I went to high school with lost her little girl at 6 months old my entire heart broke for her. And to be honest, it still does. I started researching blogs and advice columns so I knew what would help her and what would make things harder. Most said the same things over and over and I tried so hard to avoid those things, but I know that nothing I said or didn’t say made it easier for her to carry that feeling of being alone in this new world without her daughter.

So for the parent’s who have lost a baby- I am writing this to you.

They say not to say “I can’t imagine”

It’s so hard not to say that sentence because truth is; I can’t imagine. I can’t imagine the pain you are feeling, the aloneness you struggle with everyday. I can’t imagine what it’s like to have your heart feel like it’s being ripped out of your chest each morning you wake up and walk past the room that once held your sleeping child. I can’t imagine the pain of watching everyone around you accepting a new normal when you simply can’t do the same. I can’t imagine the feeling of guilt. I can’t imagine the different emotions you are experiencing day in and day out..

But what I want you to know is that what I really mean when I say “I can’t imagine” is that I’m sorry you can.

They say not to say “God needed another angel”

Our human minds and hearts simply cannot process a child being taken from his/her family. I once read a quote that said “It’s easy for you to say God needed another angel when he didn’t take yours.” That put into perspective what a mother whose arms are empty must feel when she hears “God needed another angel”. I know I’ve said this before. Not to a mother who has held a child they had to let go but to mothers who have miscarried and looking back I want to call and email each one and apologize for how insensitive my words must have sounded. But what I want you to know is that what we really mean when we say “God needed another angel” is “I’m sorry”.

They say not to say “It’s God’s Will”

As a Christian, I get what people mean when they say this… But even though I’ve never experienced an infant loss I can see where it would be very frustrating to hear. We have an all loving God we serve and to have someone tell you that this all loving God would want to cause the most incredible pain that a mother could ever endure sounds quite ridiculous. But what I want you to know is that what we really mean when we say “It’s God’s Will” is “I’m Sorry”.

These are just a few of the major ones I’ve read. There are plenty more if you want to research it… but the reason for this blog is more to say that there are so many times I want to call, email, or come by but I simply don’t know what to say.  So when and if I say something that I shouldn’t please remember… What I really want to say to each of you parents who have had to carry the pain of burying a son or daughter is that I’m sorry. I’m sorry I can’t help ease the pain. I’m sorry you are hurting. I am sorry that I pray daily that I never can imagine what you are going through. I’m sorry that I don’t have the right words. I’m sorry that I forget milestones. I'm sorry that you miss someone in a way that I never have. I'm sorry it happened. 

 I’m just so so so sorry.

Infant Loss Remembrance Day Sucks...

As I lit my candle tonight remembering my babies that never made it to my arms, and friends babies that never made it to their arms, and other friends who held onto their babies- some for a few minutes, some for a few hours, and some for a few months before they were taken, I can’t help but think about how many woman tonight have a hole that is caused from a loss of a child. Only two words come to mind when I have these thoughts…. 

IT SUCKS.

It sucks that our bodies did what they were designed to do and conceived a child only to lose them before we ever got to meet them.

It sucks that a child that we nursed, bathed, changed, and showered with love were ripped from hands of their parents who weren’t ready to let them go.

It sucks that after 8 or 9 months of carrying a child they are born already an angel.

It sucks to know that so many people carry around guilt and anger towards something that they can’t physically understand.

It sucks to have your body ache to hold onto your babies and nothing can replace that desire.

It sucks to bring more children into the world after a loss and feel a tug of guilt that the feeling of a precious newborn has brought you joy again.

It sucks that people who haven’t experienced a loss can’t physically understand the pain you are going through, no matter how hard they may try.

It sucks that so many pregnancy loss, still born, and SIDS boards are out there…meaning that many other people are feeling the exact pain you are feeling.

It sucks to know that there is nothing… I mean nothing that will ever fill that void.

It sucks that every single day something reminds us that our babies aren’t here.

It sucks that there is a day that is set aside to remember the millions of millions of babies not here…

It. Just. Sucks.

I could easily let anger get the best of me after my 2 recent miscarriages. I could be angry at God for giving me babies only for them to be called home too soon. I can see how people could stay angry for a long time. With every day that passes after a loss the pain doesn’t disappear… but instead you just learn to live with the pain. The void however I’m not sure ever goes away. I can only speak from the perspective of a miscarriage and I don’t want anyone reading who has experienced a infant loss to be mistaken; I know the pain I am feeling after loosing 2 babies in the first trimester can’t even compare to the pain of loosing a child you have carried 9 months, delivered, and lost. But this blog entry isn’t about who is mourning more… it’s about mourning together. It’s about being there for the friend who has experienced any loss… It’s about praying for those parents that buried their babies. It’s about crying for those crying. It’s about being broken hearted for those people who are broken hearted… not because you understand every single ounce of pain they are feeling… but because you know with every loss, it sucks- and each day these mothers will experience a different emotion that they just don’t understand…

Today as I write this blog watching my candle flicker in dark I am remembering so many babies that aren’t here today. I am praying for you and I am mourning with you. 

An apology to my 5th child...

I would like to go ahead and make an apology to you, my sweet child. 

I am so very sorry... 

I'm sorry some family members wont acknowledge your existence until they see you at Easter. 

You will be the center of our attention every single day. 

I'm sorry that people aren't as excited about you as they were with baby #1. 

Your mama, daddy, and brothers are thrilled and can't wait to meet you!

I'm sorry that people wont dote on you like they did with Zachary. 

Your mama, daddy and brothers will make up for it, I promise.  

I'm sorry that people assume that because you are the fifth child, you are more of a burden than a blessing.

You have always been considered a blessing to us, but are even more of a blessing to us after loosing 2 babies before you.

I'm sorry you will be given a number, instead of a name before you are born.

I try to say your name often so you'll know your name isn't "baby number 5".

I'm sorry that your daddy and I are bringing you into a world that will look at our family and think you are only here because we wanted a girl.

We loved you before we knew your gender. 

I'm sure this will be the first of many apologies I give you while I'm borrowing you from God...

I will try to show you why having 5 kids can be just as rewarding as having one. I pray that as you grow you want your home to be blessed with a house full of children as well. 

I pray that hearts are changed and people see that our home may be crazy, loud, and insane to others... but its perfect to us. 

Zachary is perfect. 

Brennon is perfect.

Tripp is perfect.

Landry is perfect.

And you my sweet baby girl are perfect. 

PTO

It's a new school year...

Zachary started 2nd grade today (tear) 

and Brennon started kindergarten. (another tear) 

I was pleasantly surprised to see that this year they added a calendar of events 

in the student handbook.

For a planner mom like myself, this rocks!! However, I had to laugh at a few items in the August section.

Biggest Letdown. 

PTO meetings.

They will take place at 3:00. 

Seriously? 3:00? School lets out at 2:35 each day... and I'm not sure if I'm the only parent who is getting 2 extra wild kids off the school bus around that time but I barely have time to get a snack in them and homework started before thinking of doing anything else... especially rounding up my family of 6 (for now) and heading back out the door to a PTO meeting- alone, because like most parents, my husband is working until 4. 

I know I've heard a few times last year that the PTO members were frustrated at the lack of members, participation and overall enthusiasm regarding what is going on with the school. 

Let me the voice of reasoning... 

A 3:00 meeting midweek is absurd. Whats more absurd is expecting people- parents of children who attend that school to actually come to the meetings. 

I'm not saying a meeting at 6pm would mean every single parent would make it to each meeting. But I am saying you aren't really giving any parent a chance to come when you hold it at 3:00 in the afternoon. 

Nothing excites me more than attending a mid-day PTO meeting alone listening to 5 kids scream about being hungry, tired, and ready to go home after being there for 8 hours. 

I'm sorry to burst your balloon PTO members but if ONE parent shows up to this meeting you should consider it a success. 

My second biggest letdown? 

Box tops. 

If you taught my sweet Zachary last year and the year before that you probably received 50 different notes and emails asking about the results of the box top challenges. 

(Yes, you read that right, 2 years worth) 

In a total of 4 (I believe- may have been more) box top challenges I have heard results from ONE. 

ONE. 

ONE!!! 

UNO!!

1!!!

What is so frustrating is I must be the ONLY parent who actually reads the forms sent home, getting my children all excited to gather, cut, clip, and save every single box top they can find so they can win this challenge. Some offer gift cards- others TV's, and of course, recognition in the newsletter they send out each month. 

And guess what happens? 

NOTHING.

NADA.

ZILCH. 

NOT A SINGLE THING. 

So please excuse me this year for not bothering with reading that precious tree you sent home regarding the box top challenge. I will not be participating this year. 

I will not be harassing the teachers to find out why the PTO members aren't doing what they promised... and I will no longer stress about getting the most box tops so my kids can have that moment of excitement that all their hard work all summer paid off by winning this challenge. 

Box Top Challenge? 

FAIL. 

Epic Fail... 

Unique Ways To Announce A Pregnancy...

Over the years I have had many opportunities to pull up 

"Unique Ways To Announce A Pregnancy" in the search bar...

And if you have ever searched for this yourself

you know how many you will find. 

A lot! 

Here is a short list of the one's I thought were particularly cute...

The shoes... 

Eviction Notice to younger sibling...

Family Photo

Our Nest is Growing...

Present you can't open for a while..

Just the plain ol' pregnancy test picture...

Holding your own ultrasound picture...

Youngest Child Announcing it for you...

Genius Bathroom Picture. 

And of course.. Etsy Shirts...

There are loads more that are unique and funny but require items that aren't readily available for me to use...  

If you want other idea's you'll have to search pintrest... 

This is all I have the energy to post for you guys. 

*** FOR THOSE WHO DIDN'T GET THIS... WE ARE PREGNANT AND THIS WAS MY ANNOUNCEMENT.***

Why going to church is important to me

"Going to church doesn't make you anymore a Christian 

than going to a garage makes you a car."

I have used this quote (and other quotes like it) more often than I'd like to admit. 

Truth be told, it's very true. 

However, going to church is still important. 

To me anyway.

Sunday comes. 

I get up and get my family of 6 ready- which is not an easy task.

With a large family (especially with young children) it's always a battle. 

Zachary doesn't want to go because he'd rather play video games.

Brennon doesn't want to wear that really cute pink polo I bought because he looks adorable in it.

Tripp wants to go but he doesn't know what shoes to wear.

And Landry could care less as long as he gets a nap on his normal 10am schedule, which happens to be as we are loading the car to leave. 

Josh can't find the match to his black socks and I can't find the earrings I wanted to wear with the dress that took 5 hours the night before picking out. 

After what seems like all morning getting everyone in chime with clothing we are out the door. 

We make it to church late, as normal. 

But as soon as you walk in you are immediately hit with God's spirit. 

You sing praises to Him. 

You feel thankful you battled through that mornings storm and are here to feel it.

You listen, learn and soak in all that God was intending you to hear that Sunday.

And when the service is over, you feel empowered. 

You can tackle the world with God's help. 

Sunday afternoon is wonderful. 

Sunday evening is even better.

And them Monday comes. 

You still feel empowered. 

You are kinder to your children. 

You are more patient with your husband. 

You call friends and tell them what a blessing you experienced the day before during church and how you felt like God wanted you to hear THAT exact message.

Monday goes by pretty good.

And then Tuesday comes. 

You are still empowered but just a little less confident as before.

The moon is full and causing your children to act like wild monkeys and your patience is starting to wear thin. 

You say a quick prayer that God can get you through this day. 

And He does, but not without a little bit of yelling at the kids and sharp death stares at your husband. 

And then Wednesday comes. 

You wake up to complete chaos. 

The baby didn't sleep well that night so you are dragging. 

You are out of orange juice, which happens to be the ONE drink your children HAVE to have in the mornings in order to function. 

Total meltdown from half the family members occur before 9am and you are pretty sure this is the worst day ever. 

You half heartedly throw a prayer out asking for some patience because if you asked for strength you may kill someone. 

The day Drrraaagggsss on not getting any better.

Instead it gets worse. 

Thursday comes. 

The only good part of this day happens to be that it's payday. 

Everything else on this day falls apart before you even have a chance to touch it. 

No prayers are sent up today.. not even half hearted ones. 

You just want the day to end. 

You are spent. 

Friday comes.

You feel so far away from God today it's not even funny. 

You question how in the world your week started off so good yet is ending so badly. 

The day goes by with a lot of tears from children and maybe even some tears shed from you as well.

Then Saturday comes. 

You are thankful it's the weekend and you have help from your husband. 

But this day is filled with deep cleaning of the house, grass cutting, and all the things you couldn't possibly tackle during your crazy week. 

Before you can bat an eye the day is gone. 

And then Sunday comes again. 

And it starts back over. 

Going to church is important to me because by Saturday I feel about as far away from God as I possibly can. 

I NEED to feel His spirit. 

I NEED to feel His love.

I NEED to feel His forgiveness.

As my walk with Jesus gets stronger I know finding God throughout the week will come easier. But I'm a struggling child of Christ who needs to be reminded many times a week that God is still with me... even during what seems like the worst storm ever. 

I've been blessed recently with an awesome Friday night Bible Study. 

I have to admit after missing several weeks of it I am feeling just a tad bit further away from where I should be. 

I'm thankful I found a church that my children love (even if they cry immediately when we leave them)

and even more thankful for the people we have met. 

Through some of those people I have found a desire to be closer to God. 

A desire to show my children that going to church is fun.

A desire to bring my marriage closer and have found a constant reminder that through all the craziness my life may bring it can be joyful as long as everything I do brings joy to God. 

I'd say while the quote "Going to church doesn't make you any more of a Christian than going to a garage makes you a car." may have some truth in it... 

Going to church does help remind you of all the fun and joy being a child of Christ can bring if you allow it. 

Disappearing Act

Sorry for the disappearing act on my blog.

Life has been hectic lately. 

And to be honest, after my last blog entry my heart is playing a tug of war with what to write.

Everything seems so unimportant and extremely important nowadays. 

I know, confusing right?

It feels wrong to go on and on about how "normal" my life is when so many reading this blog will never experience "normal" again.

Life has been put into perspective for sure. 

So here I am... wondering what is important enough to write about.

I suppose the most recent would be we had our first bone break this week. 

No, it wasn't Tripp. 

I know, I'm just as surprised as the rest of you. 

It was Zachary. 

After 3+ years of living in Spartanburg I made a friend. We went over to her house to let the kids play while Josh helped her dad put together a wooden swing set. 

Zachary was playing on the trampoline and somehow managed to fall off onto the ground. 

Quick ER trip confirmed a break in his elbow. 

He got his cast this morning. 

Don't let this picture fool you... he wasn't too happy about having it on. 

His only complaint is that it is too heavy. 

Luckily for him he had just finished baseball. 

Speaking of baseball...

I'm so proud of our boys. Not just mine but the entire team. 

They made it all the way to the championship game. 

They didn't win the championship but they played hard and had fun. 

To me, they are all winners! 

Both Zachary and Brennon received trophy's which they LOVE. 

I feel the need to let everyone know thats not a bruise on my forehead, it's only a shadow

Landry turned 1!! 

Birthday morning doctor visit

I am amazed how big he is and how fast time flew by. 

He was sick on his birthday so we canceled his party and fixed him a homemade cake instead. 

He wasn't too interested. You can tell when you make it to the last picture showing the cake in the floor. 

I am trying so hard to hold onto the simplicity of making him happy right now. 

I've said before that he is a very high needs child... but you can give him a ball or a pencil (unsharpened and no eraser) and he's good for a solid 5 minutes. When those 5 minutes are up, give him a container of wipes and you have managed to keep him happy for 10 minutes. 

I know one day I'll write about how much I miss being able to give him a ball, pencil or container of wipes to keep him entertained while I load the dishwasher. 

A little blurry but seriously the best I could get. Can't keep this little man still enough for a picture anymore

School ends tomorrow.

I'm ready to fill the boys with a love for summertime with fishing, camping in the living room, roasting marshmallows and swimming. 

I love end of the year stuff because that means I can actually attempt something pinned on my pintrest board. 

My end of the year teacher gifts...

Inside the beach towel is a beach mat and carrying case. 

We are taking our first beach trip in 2 weeks. I'm not sure if Josh and I are just as excited as the boys or more. We plan to make it something they never forget! 

I'm sure you'll get an entire blog entry about that mess of fun. 

I guess it turns out, even the smallest of everyday life is pretty important to me.

If you read my last blog entry please keep praying for the Washington family. Every day will come and end and while our lives continue on as they normally would, theirs are a little harder to get through. They still needs prayers. 

Unnatural

Yesterday I received news that a friends little girl had grown wings on Saturday.

She was only 6 months old.

She was a fighter. Born premature and had the biggest most beautiful eyes you'd ever seen. 

She was surrounded by love from 3 sisters, a mother who wouldn't stop fighting for her, and a dad who  she had wrapped around her little finger.

She was perfect. 

And her name was Arden.

It is unnatural for a parent to bury their child.

Children are supposed to bury their parents when they are old and lived a life that was full and filled with happiness from their children.

My faith is tested a lot in times like these. I believe when bad things happen God can turn it around to bring joy, happiness and lessons. 

But when a sweet child is taken from our world I question, not God, but His plan. 

And I feel helpless by only being able to offer prayers. 

I pray for peace. 

Understanding will probably never come.... 

I don't think we can understand why things like this happen. 

So I do all that I can and offer prayers for peace. 

And strength. 

And hope...

Hope that during what will undoubtably be the hardest thing a parent will have to go through that they pull their strength from God. 

As a parent myself I believe my children are borrowed from God. 

Yet I will admit that I often forget that at any moment he can call them back home.

I take advantage of my borrowed time. 

Thinking it will last forever. 

Psalm 147: 3

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

Romans 8:18-19

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God."

It will go unsaid that parents will hug their children a lot tighter today.
They will enjoy even the craziest of moments, because not having them to create the craziness is gut wrenching.

Arden's sweet short life was filled with laughter, and a house full of love.

And for those 6 months she knew nothing but love.

And now she knows God's love personally.

She knows what it fills like to have God himself wrap his love around her and hold her in his lap.

She will dance with angels, sing with Jesus and I have no doubt He will tell her everyday how much she was loved and how badly she is missed.

The questions I have may not ever be answered but in the past day I've accepted that God has sweet Arden today and He allowed my sweet friend to experience Arden for 6 months. Six months she borrowed that child from God and for 6 months she knew what it was like to love her with everything she had. For reasons we will never know, her time to go was Saturday. And I know Abigail would have wanted to have those 6 sweet months with Arden than none at all.


I ask that all my blog readers lift the Washington's up in prayers today and in the following days.

*With permission from Abigail I have posted some pictures of sweet Arden*

Angels descending, bring from above,

Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.

"Homesick"

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

The noise of boys

I am writing this blog entry while sitting in my room with the doors shut while the boys play with their daddy. 

I'm taking a much needed "mommy time out".

The noise of little boys is most of the time a sound I enjoy. 

But today it's been overwhelming. 

Teaching our children the difference in outside voices and inside voices seems to be ignored. 

The saying "Boys will be boys" has definitely pushed a limit with me more than once and today it seems as though this one comment has me flustered even more. 

Sure, boys will be boys. 

But at some point boys will be men and those men need to know the difference between inside and outside voices. 

They need to learn respect. 

Respect your parents when they tell you to please be quiet.

And it's my job to teach them. 

But on days like today, when I feel like everything I say is going in one ear and out the other, teaching a lesson of respect makes me want to crawl in a cave and stay a while.

I often tell people a rule of thumb I use in my home.. 

As long as it's happy noises, I try my best not to shush them. 

But here I sit hiding out while they hopefully burn off some energy writing a blog about how I want to tell them to just shut up and leave me alone. 

Sure that sounds harsh... but really? Who hasn't at least thought that once since having children? 

I am a stay at home mom.. and I'm with my children almost 100% of the time. I don't think I have gone 1 day without my children in at least 4 years. 

Heck, my idea of a vacation is a trip to the store alone. 

(which doesn't happen that often) 

Kids are stressful. 

It takes 45 minutes to tell me one sentence and when they finally get it out of their mouth they have said  it loud enough for the neighbors to hear. 

They fight with each other constantly, yet cry when they are separated because they are soooooo bored playing alone. 

It's a constant insanity brain workout over here. 

Now don't get me wrong. I love having boys. I love having a lot of boys. I enjoy the wild times 90% of the time. I enjoy pretty much every aspect of my life as their mom. 

But I don't want parenthood on my blog to be portrayed as easy. 

It's not easy. 

It's work.

And there are times I want to shout profanity. 

Sometimes at my own kids.

But I don't. 

Instead I take a mommy time out and blog. 

I'm terribly sorry if you thought this blog entry would end with a point..

it's not going too. 

I just needed to write so that I didn't go ape shit on my kids today.