I have met a lot people who's faith has been tested. One of the most important people in my life has had faith tested over and over again. I have asked her to write a little something on her faith throughout her journey with adoption.
From my beautiful sister Alicia:
Faith... That is such a wonderful word isn't it? The first definition given in the dictionary for Faith is: confidence or trust in a person or thing. To me Faith is so much more than that and it's definitely not confidence in a person or a thing... it's complete confidence in God, the one who created us and loves us more than we can even begin to imagine. During our journey to start a family, my Faith has truly been tested! We spent 3 years trying to get pregnant and every month my Faith took a hit when that test showed a negative reading. Before we finally decided to start the Adoption process, my Faith was all but gone. Sadly I was bitter and felt sorry for myself. I felt like God was never going to give me what I wanted the most in this world, a baby to love. I still remember the hardest day for me was finding out my sister was pregnant with her 3rd child (who I love dearly and was very happy for but at the same time it made me sad for myself) and finding out a coworker was pregnant with her 2nd on the same day. It was a hard day but after that day, I realized that I was too blessed to be so sad all the time! Soon after, I started researching Adoption. My husband wasn't quite ready to take the plunge, so I researched and finally about 6 months later, he was on board! We started the process in late August 2009 and although it hasn't been easy, it's been a wonderful ride so far! Once we started this process, my attitude improved and my Faith was restored. We have now been officially waiting a little over a year and have had several failed matches. Our first failed match was definitely the hardest but it taught us so much about the process, about our Faith and how strong it was and about each other and our support system (family & friends). To say it was hard is an understatement! Imagine being at the hospital while what you think is going to be your son is born and being at the hospital for 2 days only to get a call on the 3rd day that he's not your son. It was hard BUT we made it through and are stronger because of it. The fact of the matter is that we were not meant to be his parents. I don't know why we go through things like that but I do know that God has a plan and there is a reason. Maybe God knew we were strong enough to handle it. Maybe he wanted us to see that we were strong enough. Or maybe he just wanted us to pray for that baby and his parents (which we do still today!). I may never know why we have had such a rough journey so far, but I know that even now when we are still waiting, I would do it all again in a heartbeat! I have met some of the best people throughout this process and have made lifelong friends in the process but most importantly, I've grown so much closer to HIM than I've ever been and for that in itself, I'm eternally grateful! I know that the day will come when we will finally get to meet the baby that God has selected for us because "The LORD is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made." Psalm 145:13b. He IS Faithful because of that my Faith will always been in him! For Christmas, my Mother-In-Law gave me a plaque that I have hanging above my kitchen window that reads, “Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” I'm sure that he is always there and that he will never let me down!
I have to say, I don't know that I could keep faith quite like this if I were put through all the tests that they have been put through. I like to say that I have a lot of Faith. But truth be told, I am weak, and I haven't really had anything major in my life to knock me down like they have. Alicia, you are truly an inspiration to others. Not just people going through the adoption journey who feel your pain and are struggling with Faith in their life, but with everyone around you who is struggling with a lack of faith in everyday life. I love you and I am so excited at what God has in store for you and Ryan!
If you or someone you know is pregnant and considering adoption, please contact Bethany Adoption Agency for more information.