Sleep deprivation has caused me to become angry.
I'm angry at everyone and everything in my path. I walked to the car and was angry at the tree for standing so still and looking too relaxed.
No one can say or do the right things.
The medium from nice to fire spitting mad is so thin I can't decide where one stops and the other begins.
It's not pleasant.
I'm not pleasant.
But I woke up this morning with peace. Even though our 3rd child woke up with the flu, I'm still at peace. I didn't have anger that I would be dealing with yet another week of fevers, runny noses, and coughs. I was happy for both Brennon and Tripp that they at least could play together in the quarantined room.
And I wasn't angry that my house looked like a tornado hit it. I was thankful I wasn't sick myself and able to clean it today. I wasn't angry at anyone. I was in awe of what this house has been through and that despite it all, I still had 5 kids (including the little girl I watch) that still had smiles on their faces... and that Landry and Ruby so far are showing no signs of the flu. I still had a husband who comes home from work and gives me afternoon kisses before hustling around to help get the place back in order.
But all this is because I gave God my problems last night.
I asked for prayers all week yet only talked to Him a couple of times. I angrily thanked him when Brennon fell sick, saying I didn't have the energy for it, but thanks anyway. Yet despite my bad attitude, He laid his hands upon Brennon and kept him uncharacteristically okay through it all.
So thank you for those of you who did offer prayers.
The song that has been playing over and over again in my head is Casting Crowns. It's called
"I will praise you in this storm"
And I'm singing it as I tend to babies, clean the house, and look around at all my many blessings.
I am thankful for a God who knows when my heart is burdened. A God who loves me during my worst times. A God who can offer calm during any storm. And a God who cares for me even when I don't deserve it.