Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Oh Facebook....

Facebook brings a lot of good in my life..

I am able to connect with family members and friends that live hours away and I can't see as much as I'd like.

I get to watch their children grow up....
And I get to see all the incredibly cute things they are saying and doing.

You get to see how pretty, ugly, skinny and fat your ex's girlfriends or wives are too.
(yes, I said it) 

But facebook has a dark side.

It is also a highway to jealousy, envy, curiosity and frustration.

Let me explain.

Facebook has what is often referred to as a stalker feed. 
This stalker feed is located on the right of your newsfeed and shows everything that is posted among your friends. Anything John Doe posts to their friends (even if they aren't YOUR friend) will be posted here. Nothing is private really.

And so you see that the person you thought didn't have a facebook does in fact have a facebook.

Or the person you thought was your friend on facebook is no longer your friend on facebook.

Or even worse, you see with your nosey little eyes that a friend is talking about you or another friend of yours thinking you can't see it.

See what I mean? 

I'm a woman. 
And 99% of the women I know will look at anything they find "interesting". 
Even if it means being hurt in doing so.

I learned this lesson recently. 

And it kinda burned.

I was hurt.

I haven't been the best of friend to people I love and care about in the past. 

But I have always tried. 

I don't always say the right thing and I have moments where I'm not the best example of a Christian. But I try. I am human and I wont ever say all the right things or do all the right things.. Maybe I did hurt friends. Maybe I didn't say all the things you needed to hear. But I cared. 

I am grateful for the people in my life currently that appreciate the fact that I'm real.
They love me for my mistakes and for my imperfections. 

I think I've weeded out all those people who don't truly appreciate the friendship we have had... and I feel okay about who I connect with nowadays. 

I am trying to let go of bitterness though.

I feel lied too.
I'm embarrassed that I gave so much time and energy to a friendship that means nothing to them now.

I feel ridiculous that I tried hanging onto a friendship that dissolved because they had things going on that I just couldn't understand.
I understand that personal tragedies and trials can change a person, but I hate seeing someone I love and care about turn into someone I don't even recognize.
I hate feeling like I've done something wrong when I don't really feel like I have.

To the person who has my heart feeling heavy today....

I cried for you, prayed for you and would have taken the pain you were bearing away in a heartbeat.
And I'm sorry if I wasn't the best of friend to you when you needed me.

And while I feel a bit puzzled of the exact reasons friendships have fallen apart, I am thankful for the time we were close.
 I guess there was time when those friendships were needed. (at least on my part)

I'm not mad though. I'm only hurt.

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. The transitions are necessary, but not always easy.